Tell Me A Joke: 30+ Hilarious One-Liners For Your Laughter Fix

Introduction

Laughter is a universal language, and what better way to spread joy than with a collection of jokes centered around the word “tell.”

These one-liners are designed to be quick, witty, and sure to bring a smile to your face. So, sit back, relax, and let the laughter roll!

Tell Jokes

Why did the gossip columnist never have a problem telling stories? Because it was his “tell-tale” profession!
What did one wall tell the other during an argument? “I’ve got you covered!”
Why did the secret agent refuse to tell jokes? Because they were classified information!
What did the library book tell the other? “I’ve got you covered from cover to cover!”
Why do clocks always seem to tell long stories? Because they have so many hands!
What do you call a cat that can tell time? A watch-cat!
Why did the teacher always tell the fridge to be quiet? Because it kept giving away the answers!
Why don’t skeletons ever tell secrets? Because they don’t have the guts!
What did the pencil tell the paper during an argument? “You’re tearing me apart!”
Why did the scarecrow refuse to tell jokes? Because they were too corny!
What do you call a storytelling competition between cups and glasses? A tale of two drinks!
Why did the fortune-teller bring a ladder to work? Because she wanted to reach new heights!
What did the wall clock tell its cousin, the wristwatch? “Hands down, we’ve got the best time!”
Why did the wise man always tell time through his calendar? Because it had so many dates!
What do you call a cow that tells jokes? A laughing-stock!
Why did the comedian always tell physics jokes? Because they had great potential!
What did one brick in the wall tell the other? “Stick with me, we’ll hold it together!”
Why do bananas never tell secrets? Because they might slip!
What did the detective say to the suspect who was good at storytelling? “I’ve got your story all wrapped up!”
Why did the musician refuse to tell time? Because he couldn’t handle the beat!
What did the tree tell the lumberjack? “You’re barking up the wrong tree!”
Why don’t books ever tell lies? Because they always cover the truth!
What did the spy tell his wife before leaving for work? “I’ll be undercover!”
Why did the tailor always tell jokes while working? Because he had a sharp wit!
What did the bossy computer tell its user? “I’m in command!”
Why did the journalist always tell stories about elevators? Because they were uplifting tales!
What did the apple say to the orange? “Let’s peel out of here!”
Why did the poker player refuse to tell bedtime stories? Because they always ended with a bad deal!
What did the tablecloth tell the table? “I’ve got you covered for dinner!”
Why do storytellers always seem to repeat themselves? Because they love to re-tell!
Why did the magician refuse to tell anyone his secrets? Because they were his “abracadabra” classified information!
What did one wall tell the other during a paint job? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!”
Why don’t oysters ever tell secrets? Because they clam up!
What did the grape tell the wine? “You were destined for greatness!”
Why did the storyteller bring a ladder to work? To reach new heights with their tales!
What did the pirate tell the steering wheel in his pants? “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
What did the light bulb tell the switch? “You turn me on!”
Why did the comedian always tell jokes about doors? Because they always opened new opportunities!
What did the tree tell the lumberjack in a heated argument? “Leaf me alone!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in a cornfield? Because the ears are always listening!
What did the plate say to the fork? “Fancy meeting you here!”
Why did the football coach never tell his team to be quiet? Because they needed to huddle!
What did the judge tell the gym owner? “You’re in good shape for a lawsuit!”
Why did the storyteller bring string to the show? To string along the audience with suspense!
What did the singer tell the microphone? “You amplify my voice!”
Why did the painter always tell jokes while working? Because they wanted to brush up on their humor!
What did the bell tell the clapper? “You make me ring with joy!”
Why did the map always refuse to tell jokes? Because they were too directionless!
What did the dog tell the tree? “I’ll bark up this one!”
Why did the storyteller always carry a mirror? To reflect on their tales!

Read More: Jokes About Bank Teller

Humorous One-Liners About Tell

What did the telephone tell its owner? “You’ve got the call waiting for you!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
What did the math book tell the history book? “You’ve got quite the story to tell!”
Why did the clock always seem to have an attitude? Because it had a face!
What did the firecracker tell its friends after a successful show? “I’m on fire tonight!”
Why did the DJ refuse to tell the audience the next song? Because it was a surprise hit!
What did the grapefruit tell the orange? “You’ve got zest for life!”
Why did the storyteller bring a tape measure to work? To make sure their tales were always long enough!
What did the drum say to the musician? “You beat me to it!”
Why did the writer refuse to tell jokes about paper? Because they were tearable!
What did the bathtub tell the toilet? “You’re full of it!”
Why did the ocean refuse to tell its depth? Because it was a bottomless secret!
What did the scissors tell the tape? “Let’s stick together!”
Why did the artist always tell jokes about colors? Because they wanted to paint a smile on everyone’s face!
What did the ghost tell the comedian? “You’re a real scream!”
Why did the teacher tell the students not to play cards in class? Because they might deal with consequences!
What did the mirror tell the reflection during a heart-to-heart? “You’re looking marvelous today!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the garden? Because the flowers gossip!
What did the tie tell the shirt? “You complete me!”
Why did the spider refuse to tell jokes? Because they found them too web-oriented!
What did the blanket tell the bed? “You’ve got me covered!”
Why did the chicken refuse to tell secrets? Because they always came home to roost!
What did the piano tell the guitar during their music session? “You string me along!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in a bank? Because they’re always vaulted!
What did the calculator tell the computer? “You’re quite the math whiz!”
Why did the author refuse to tell jokes about pens? Because they found them too “pointless”!
What did the bicycle tell the skateboard? “Wheely nice moves!”
Why did the mountain refuse to tell its age? Because it didn’t want to peak too soon!
What did the candle tell the matchstick? “You light up my life!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the theater? Because the walls have ears!
What did the sunflower tell the rose? “You’re blooming lovely!”
Why did the storyteller always bring a map? To navigate through their tales!
What did the wall tell the door? “You’re always a-jar!”
Why did the toaster refuse to tell jokes? Because they were too crumby!
What did the cloud tell the raindrop? “You’re quite a drip!”
Why did the soccer ball refuse to tell jokes? Because they always bounced back!
What did the telescope tell the microscope? “You’re really looking close!”
Why did the rug refuse to tell secrets? Because they were always underfoot!
What did the painting tell the artist? “You nailed it!”
Why did the book refuse to tell its age? Because it wanted to keep its story timeless!
What did the doorbell tell the door? “You always ring true!”
Why did the skeleton refuse to tell a secret? Because it didn’t have the guts!
Why don’t secrets like to be told at the beach? Because the seashells might spill the tide!
What did the guitar tell the drums? “You’re instrumental to the band!”
Why did the camera refuse to tell jokes? Because it didn’t want to develop a bad image!
What did the train tell the tracks? “You keep me on the right line!”
Why did the envelope refuse to tell secrets? Because it was sealed shut!
What did the candle tell the flame? “You light up my life!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the garden? Because the plants may leak it out!
What did the mountain say to the volcano? “You really blow me away!”

Read More: Jokes About Joker Telling

Funny Tell Jokes

Why did the clock refuse to tell time? Because it couldn’t face the hands!
What did the hat tell the scarf? “You’re quite the wrap artist!”
Why did the storyteller bring a ruler to work? To measure the length of their tales!
What did the computer tell its owner? “You’ve got me working like a charm!”
Why did the balloon refuse to tell jokes? Because they always burst out laughing!
What did the shoes tell each other? “We make a great pair!”
Why did the painting refuse to tell its story? Because it was still canvas-ing for ideas!
What did the river tell the stream? “You flow with finesse!”
Why did the grapevine refuse to tell secrets? Because it didn’t want to spread rumors!
What did the pen say to the pencil? “You’ve got a good point!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the kitchen? Because the pots might spill the beans!
What did the phone say to its charger? “You power me up!”
Why did the speaker always tell jokes? Because they wanted to amplify the fun!
What did the bridge tell the river? “I’ve got you covered!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the forest? Because the trees have ears!
What did the carpet tell the vacuum cleaner? “You suck me in!”
Why did the comedian refuse to tell any more chicken jokes? Because they kept crossing the road!
What did the window say to the door? “You’re always opening up!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told at the zoo? Because the walls have monkeys!
What did the ice cube tell the water? “You’re in for a cool time!”
Why did the storyteller always bring a globe? To spin their tales around the world!
What did the backpack say to the suitcase? “You carry a lot of baggage!”
Why did the jokester refuse to tell any more puns? Because they were pun-ishingly bad!
What did the mirror tell the reflection? “You’re looking quite reflective today!”
Why did the clock get into a fight with the calendar? Because it needed time off!
Why don’t secrets like to be told at the park? Because the bushes have ears!
What did the bicycle say to the motorbike? “Wheelie nice to meet you!”
Why did the computer refuse to tell jokes? Because its humor was too binary!
What did the lightbulb say to the lamp? “You really light up the room!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the hospital? Because the walls have ears and the doctors have too many patients!
What did the mirror tell the reflection on a bad hair day? “You’re a real mess!”
Why did the banana refuse to tell secrets? Because it might split!
What did the guitar say to the violin? “You really string me along!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in space? Because there’s no atmosphere for whispering!
What did the clock say to the calendar? “Time to work together!”
What did the book tell the e-reader? “You’re turning me on!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in a minefield? Because the explosives might hear!
What did the tree say to the lumberjack? “You’re barking up the wrong one!”
Why did the painter always tell jokes while working? Because they wanted to paint smiles!
What did the towel say to the wet floor? “You’re soaking up attention!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the art gallery? Because the paintings might frame you!
What did the teacher say to the noisy ruler? “You’re really off the measure!”
Why did the comedian refuse to tell any more gardening jokes? Because they were too corny!
What did the soccer ball tell the goalpost? “You’re always in the net!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the library? Because the books are always listening!
What did the sweater say to the scarf? “You’ve got me all wrapped up!”
Why did the computer refuse to tell jokes? Because it was afraid of getting a virus!
What did the calculator say to the pencil? “You’ve got the write formula!”
What did the map say to the compass? “You always point me in the right direction!”
Why did the grape refuse to tell jokes? Because it was afraid of being wine-d up!

Read More: Jokes About Old Jews Telling

Hilarious Tell Jokes

What did the drum say to the drumstick? “You really beat me to it!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the jungle? Because the vines have ears!
What did the candle say to the match? “You light up my life!”
Why did the storyteller always bring a magnifying glass? To add a little extra detail to their tales!
What did the book tell the bookmark? “You keep me in my place!”
Why did the comedian refuse to tell time-travel jokes? Because nobody got them!
What did the pencil tell the eraser? “You rub me the wrong way!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the gym? Because the walls have muscle!
What did the shoe say to the sock? “You complete me!”
Why did the storyteller always bring a telescope? To add some depth to their stories!
What did the balloon tell the pin? “Don’t burst my bubble!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the courtroom? Because the evidence might spill them!
What did the clock say to the hourglass? “You’ve got time on your side!”
Why did the spy refuse to tell jokes? Because they were classified!
What did the paper tell the pencil during an argument? “You draw me crazy!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the orchestra? Because the instruments might hear!
What did the soap say to the sponge? “You soak up my jokes!”
Why did the storyteller always carry a compass? To navigate through their tales!
What did the book say to the shelf? “You support me!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the kitchen? Because the utensils might spill them!
What did the guitar say to the musician? “You pick me up!”
Why did the clock get in trouble at work? Because it couldn’t keep its hands to itself!
What did the mailbox say to the letters? “You’ve got me covered!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the garden? Because the plants might leak them!
What did the mirror tell the reflection during a heart-to-heart? “Reflect on this!”
Why did the pencil always refuse to tell jokes? Because they were too sharp!
What did the wall say to the paint roller? “You color my world!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told at the airport? Because the departure boards might announce them!
What did the basketball say to the hoop? “You’re always there for me!”
Why did the storyteller bring a globe to work? To spin tales from around the world!
What did the clock say to the watch? “Hands down, we’ve got the time!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told at the stadium? Because the crowd might cheer them!
What did the shirt say to the pants? “We make a great pair!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in a cornfield? Because the ears might hear them!
What did the microphone say to the speaker? “You amplify my voice!”
Why did the storyteller always carry a globe? To tell stories from all around the world!
What did the keyboard tell the mouse? “You’re always clicking!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the zoo? Because the monkeys might chatter about them!
What did the rug say to the floor? “You’ve got me covered!”
Why did the clock get in trouble at school? Because it kept ticking in class!
What did the hat say to the coat? “We’re quite a pair!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the stadium? Because the crowd might cheer them on!
What did the phone say to the charger? “You power me up!”
Why did the storyteller bring a compass to work? To navigate through their stories!
What did the envelope say to the stamp? “Stick with me, we’ll travel together!”

Read More: Jokes About How To Tell

Best Tell Jokes

Why don’t secrets like to be told in the garden? Because the flowers might gossip!
What did the lamp say to the lightbulb? “You’re illuminating!”
Why did the clock always have a hard time at work? Because it was always under pressure!
What did the computer say to the printer? “You make a good impression!”
What did the candle say to the matchstick? “You light up my life!”
Why did the storyteller bring a telescope to work? To add depth to their tales!
What did the wall say to the paintbrush? “You color my world!”
Why did the storyteller bring a ladder to work? To reach new heights with their tales!
What did the clock say to the calendar? “We’re on schedule!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the gym? Because the walls have muscles!
What did the piano say to the violin? “You really strike a chord with me!”
Why did the comedian always refuse to tell gardening jokes? Because they always grew old!
What did the mirror say to the reflection? “You’re looking quite reflective today!”
Why don’t secrets like to be told in the hospital? Because the walls have ears and the nurses have patience!
What did the candle say to the fire? “You ignite my passion!”

Read More:

Jokes About Why Cant Dinosaurs Tell

Jokes About To Tell Girls

Conclusion

Laughter is a fantastic remedy for any day, and these one-liners centered around “tell” are here to add a dash of humor to your routine.

Share them with friends, family, or anyone in need of a good chuckle. Because when it comes to jokes, it’s always a good time to “tell” and be told!

Can these jokes be shared in a group setting?

Absolutely! These one-liners are perfect for sharing in any social setting to bring about some laughter.

Are these jokes suitable for all ages?

Yes, these jokes are crafted to be family-friendly, suitable for all age groups.

Can I use these jokes in a presentation or speech?

Certainly! These light-hearted one-liners can add a touch of humor to presentations and speeches.

Tell Me a Joke: 30+ Hilarious One-Liners for Your Laughter Fix