143+ Hilarious Two Guys Walk Into a Bar Jokes

Introduction

Laughter is the best medicine, and there’s no shortage of humor when it comes to classic jokes about two guys walking into a bar. 

These timeless one-liners have been making people chuckle for generations, and we’ve gathered a collection of over 143+ of the funniest ones for your enjoyment. So, grab your favorite beverage and get ready for a good laugh!

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Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes

1. Two guys walk into a bar… The third one ducks.
2. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “Is this a joke?”
3. Two guys walk into a bar… You’d think one of them would have seen it!
4. Two guys walk into a bar… The second one should have noticed.
5. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”
6. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders H2O. The second guy says, “I’ll have H2O too.” The second guy dies.
7. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers here.” They walked in the next day.
8. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” So, they left.
9. Two guys walk into a bar… One of them says, “I’ll have a double entendre.” The bartender gives it to him.
10. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have the same.” They both get separate checks.
11. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” The third guy says, “That’s okay; we don’t eat or drink.”
12. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “What’s your poison?” One of them says, “We don’t know yet; we just got here!”
13. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “Why the luggage?” They reply, “We heard this place was packed.”
14. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “No pets allowed.” They order a couple of drinks for their invisible dogs.
15. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” One of them asks, “Steve?” The bartender replies, “No, it’s ‘Whiskey.'”
16. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “This is a library.” They whisper, “Sorry, two beers, please.”
17. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special today: two-for-one.” They say, “We’ll just have the one.”
18. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve minors.” So, they leave and come back with their parents.
19. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” One of them asks, “What, you have a Bill?” The bartender says, “No, it’s a Shirley Temple.”
20. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a margarita.” The second guy says, “Make it a double.” They both get salt, no lime.
21. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a new policy, all drinks are on the house.” They reply, “We’ll take the roof, please.”
22. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve beer.” They say, “In that case, we’ll have two root beers.”
23. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “Do you guys want to hear a joke?” They reply, “We just did.”
24. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a scotch and soda. The second guy says, “Me too, but hold the soda.”
25. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” They say, “That’s alright; we don’t want to be served.”
26. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a happy hour special.” They ask, “What’s so happy about an hour?”
27. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t accept bills larger than $20.” They reply, “That’s okay; we’ll pay separately.”
28. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” One of them asks, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “It’s a ‘Double Trouble.'”
29. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve wine.” They reply, “That’s grape to hear.”
30. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’m on a strict whiskey diet.” The second guy says, “I’m on a strict ‘see food’ diet.”
31. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “Are you two related?” They reply, “No, we’re not even speaking.”
32. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “This is a private party.” They say, “We’ll leave, but can you make it a public one?”
33. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a vodka martini.” The second guy says, “I’ll have one too, but without the vodka.”
34. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a 2-drink minimum.” They reply, “In that case, we’ll each have 1.5 drinks.”
35. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a gin and tonic.” The second guy says, “Just a gin; I’m on a diet.”
36. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We’re closing early today.” They ask, “Is this your final decision?”
37. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve alcohol.” They say, “That’s fine; we’re here for the bar snacks.”
38. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against dancing.” They reply, “Don’t worry; we’re terrible dancers.”
39. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a cocktail named ‘Innuendo.'” They ask, “What’s in it?” The bartender winks and says, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
40. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a live band playing tonight.” They reply, “That’s great! We’ll have a live beer, please.”
41. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a whiskey.” The bartender says, “You guys must be best friends.” They say, “No, we just met.”
42. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special: all drinks are $5.” They ask, “What’s the catch?” The bartender points to a net hanging above the bar and says, “That’s the catch!”
43. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Vision.'”
44. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve strong spirits here.” They say, “That’s okay; we’re feeling weak.”
45. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a dress code.” They reply, “Don’t worry; our clothes are dressed up enough.”
46. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender asks, “Do you want to see our wine list?” They say, “We’d rather see the dessert menu.”
47. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a karaoke night tonight.” They ask, “What’s the punishment for singing badly?” The bartender says, “Listening to the applause.”
48. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila.” The second guy says, “I’ll have the same but with a chaser.” They both start running.
49. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a strict ‘no smoking’ policy.” They reply, “No worries; we’re here for the drinks, not the smoke.”
50. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve organic beverages.” They say, “Great, we’re nature enthusiasts.”

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Funny Two Guys Walk Into A Bar One-Liners

51. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a beer. The second guy orders wine. The bartender says, “You two sure know how to keep things balanced.”
52. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on nachos.” They ask, “Can we get that to go?”
53. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve locally brewed beer.” They reply, “Good, we came from just down the street.”
54. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a cosmopolitan.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a universal, please.”
55. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have live music tonight.” They ask, “What’s the cover charge for the dead ones?”
56. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a trivia night.” They reply, “Great! We’ll take two beers and a trivia question, please.”
57. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a beer. The second guy orders a cider. The bartender says, “You both know how to apple-y yourselves.”
58. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after your ex.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Bad Decision.'”
59. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against playing cards.” They reply, “No worries; we brought a chessboard.”
60. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a rum and cola. The second guy says, “I’ll have a cola and rum.” They argue about the order of the words.
61. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a strict ‘no swearing’ rule.” They reply, “We’ll try to be on our best behavior.”
62. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Trouble.'”
63. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a beer. The second guy says, “I’ll have a ‘Just Looking,’ please.” The bartender gives him an empty glass.
64. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against playing darts.” They reply, “Don’t worry; we’re here to throw shade instead.”
65. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special: two-for-one cocktails.” They ask, “Can we pay for one and get two instead?”
66. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a happy hour from 5 to 7.” They arrive at 7:05 and ask if they’re still in time.
67. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve aliens.” They reply, “Don’t worry; we’re just from another galaxy.”
68. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a whiskey neat. The second guy orders a whiskey with ice. They both get served the same drink.
69. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘Dress Code’ here.” They look at each other and say, “We thought it was casual Friday.”
70. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a pint of stout.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a gallon, please.”
71. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on shots tonight.” They ask, “Can we just have one shot split between us?”
72. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve local craft beers.” They say, “We’re tourists; does that count?”
73. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a gin and tonic.” The second guy says, “I’ll have the same but without the tonic.”
74. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against fighting.” They reply, “Don’t worry, we’re here to make peace.”
75. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a happy hour from 4 to 6.” They arrive at 6:05 and ask if they can get the happy hour prices.
76. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a vodka martini.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a martini, hold the vodka.”
77. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a strict ‘no dancing’ policy.” They reply, “We’re only here for the shuffleboard.”
78. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a lemonade.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a limeade.” The bartender says, “You both are a-fruit of my imagination.”
79. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve any alcoholic beverages.” They reply, “We’re designated drivers, so that’s perfect.”
80. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a beer. The second guy orders a wine. The bartender says, “You guys really know how to mix things up.”
81. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against discussing politics.” They reply, “That’s why we’re here; we just want to drink.”
82. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a trivia night tonight.” They ask, “What’s the prize for last place?”
83. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a rum and coke.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a coke and rum.” The bartender gives them the same drink.
84. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve light beer.” They say, “We were hoping for some heavy conversation instead.”
85. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a cocktail.” The bartender says, “You’re covering all your bases.”
86. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against rowdiness.” They reply, “No worries; we’re here to quietly enjoy our drinks.”
87. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special: all drinks are half-price.” They ask, “Can we get twice as many?”
88. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Act.'”
89. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a beer. The second guy orders a water. The bartender says, “You guys are a perfect balance.”
90. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Cell Phones’ policy.” They reply, “That’s okay; we’re just here for some human interaction.”
91. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Take.'”
92. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a whiskey.” The second guy says, “I’ll have what he’s having, but make it a double.” They both get whiskey.
93. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against wearing hats indoors.” They reply, “That’s alright; we were just looking for our hair.”
94. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a cider.” The bartender says, “You guys really know how to branch out.”
95. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on cocktails.” They ask, “Can we get two specials each?”
96. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a gin and tonic. The second guy says, “I’ll have a tonic and gin, please.” The bartender gives them the same drinks.
97. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Whistling’ rule here.” They reply, “That’s alright; we can’t carry a tune anyway.”
98. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve beer brewed on-site.” They say, “Perfect, we just set up a brewery in the parking lot.”
99. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a margarita.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a ‘Just Looking,’ thanks.” The bartender hands him an empty glass.
100. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a strict ‘No Talking’ policy.” They reply, “Don’t worry; we’re here for the people-watching.”

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Humorous Two Guys Walk Into A Bar Jokes

101. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on nachos.” They ask, “Can we get those nachos to go, please?”
102. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a vodka soda.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a soda, thanks.” The bartender serves them both soda.
103. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve spirits.” They reply, “That’s fine; we’re here for the company, not the booze.”
104. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a shot of tequila. The second guy says, “I’ll have the same, but with a ‘to go’ bag, please.” They both start running.
105. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a trivia night tonight.” They ask, “What’s the prize for the most incorrect answers?”
106. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Refills’ policy.” They reply, “That’s alright; we brought our own straws.”
107. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a martini.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a martini too, but just the olives.” The bartender gives them a plate of olives.
108. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Sports’ policy.” They reply, “That’s fine; we came for the peace and quiet.”
109. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a rum and cola.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a cola and rum.” They both get served the same drink.
110. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve non-alcoholic cocktails.” They say, “That’s great; we’re here for the flavor, not the buzz.”
111. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special: all drinks are half-price.” They ask, “Can we get half a drink each?”
112. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a lemonade.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a limeade.” The bartender says, “You both really squeeze the most out of life.”
113. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Whining’ policy.” They reply, “That’s fine; we’re here to unwind.”
114. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a happy hour from 5 to 7.” They arrive at 7:05 and ask if they can still get happy hour prices.
115. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against discussing work.” They reply, “That’s perfect; we came here to forget about it.”
116. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Feature.'”
117. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a whiskey. The second guy orders a whiskey on the rocks. They both get served the same drink.
118. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against clapping.” They reply, “No worries; we’re here to enjoy the ‘quiet’ atmosphere.”
119. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a ‘Cheers,’ please.” The bartender raises his glass.
120. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on mimosas.” They ask, “Can we get two specials and hold the orange juice?”
121. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a gin and tonic.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a tonic with a slice of gin.” The bartender serves them both the same thing.
122. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Comedy’ policy.” They reply, “That’s alright; we’re here to create our own laughs.”
123. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a cider, please.” The bartender says, “You guys really know how to mix things up.”
124. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘Silent Hour’ coming up.” They ask, “Is that like a reverse happy hour?”
125. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special on shots tonight.” They reply, “Can we just get two shots split three ways?”
126. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a vodka soda.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a soda with a splash of vodka.” The bartender serves them both soda with a splash of vodka.
127. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve groups of more than two.” They reply, “No worries; we’re just two solos.”
128. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against standing on chairs.” They reply, “That’s okay; we’re not big on elevated discussions.”
129. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy orders a shot of tequila. The second guy says, “I’ll have a tequila and shot glass, please.” They both get the same thing.
130. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a trivia night tonight.” They ask, “Do you have any ‘answers-only’ trivia?”
131. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a martini.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a martini with a twist.” The bartender hands them both a twist.
132. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a ‘No Humming’ policy.” They reply, “No worries; we’re not good with the lyrics anyway.”
133. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a rum and cola.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a cola with a splash of rum.” The bartender serves them both the same thing.
134. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We only serve ice-cold beer.” They reply, “Perfect, we brought our own microwave.”
135. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a lemonade.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a limeade.” The bartender says, “You guys really like your citrus.”
136. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against discussing movies.” They reply, “That’s great; we’re here to talk about our dreams.”
137. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a special: all drinks are two-for-one.” They ask, “Can we get four-for-two instead?”
138. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a non-alcoholic beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have the same but with an extra non-alcoholic beer.” They both get non-alcoholic beer.
139. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against singing.” They reply, “Don’t worry; our voices are in quarantine.”
140. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a coffee.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a ‘double shot’ espresso.” The bartender gives them both a double shot of espresso.
141. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” They ask, “What’s it called?” The bartender says, “A ‘Double Trouble Deluxe.'”
142. Two guys walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We have a policy against using cell phones.” They reply, “No problem, we’re here for a ‘cordless’ conversation.”
143. Two guys walk into a bar… The first guy says, “I’ll have a light beer.” The second guy says, “I’ll have a dark beer.” The bartender says, “You guys are the yin and yang of beer choices!”
144. Why did two guys walk into a bar together? Because they heard it was a “punch”-line party!
145. What did the bartender say when two guys walked into the bar and said, “Ouch”? “You must be the comedy duo!”

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Conclusion

Two guys walking into a bar might sound like the start of a bad joke, but it’s actually the beginning of a good laugh. 

These classic one-liners are perfect for breaking the ice or lightening the mood. So, the next time you’re with friends or looking for some humor, remember these jokes and enjoy the endless smiles they bring.

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