Guarding Giggles: 113+ Hilarious Security Guard Jokes

Introduction

From night watchmen to mall security, security guards play a vital role in keeping us safe. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have a sense of humor! 

Get ready to chuckle with these hilarious security guard jokes that celebrate the unsung heroes of security.

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Security Guard Jokes

1. Why did the security guard bring a ladder to work? To scale down the crime rate!
2. What did the security guard say to the sneaky microwave? You’re toast!
3. Why was the security guard always calm? Because they knew how to handle the alarms!
4. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of music? Alarm tones!
5. Why did the security guard bring a pencil and paper to work? To take notes on the suspects!
6. What did the security guard say to the computer? You’ve got a virus, please step out of the network!
7. Why did the security guard bring a flashlight to work? To shed some light on the situation!
8. What’s a security guard’s favorite movie? “Guardians of the Galaxy”!
9. Why did the security guard bring a map to work? To navigate through the maze of corridors!
10. What did the security guard say to the computer hacker? You’re under a-wrist!
11. Why did the security guard bring a mirror to work? To reflect on their surveillance skills!
12. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of sandwich? Guarded cheese!
13. Why did the security guard bring a magnifying glass to work? To investigate suspicious activity!
14. What did the security guard say to the stray dog? Paws off the property!
15. Why did the security guard bring a watch to work? To keep watch over the watchmen!
16. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of dessert? Guarded gelato!
17. Why did the security guard bring a calculator to work? To tally up the trespassers!
18. What did the security guard say to the misbehaving door? You’re not in-door-dinated!
19. Why did the security guard bring a broom to work? To sweep away any criminal activity!
20. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of humor? Guardedly funny!
21. Why did the security guard bring a backpack to work? To carry the weight of responsibility!
22. What did the security guard say to the talking parrot? No foul language allowed!
23. Why did the security guard bring a megaphone to work? To amplify their authority!
24. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of bread? Guard-crackers!
25. Why did the security guard bring binoculars to work? To keep an eye on things from a distance!
26. What did the security guard say to the comedian? Keep your jokes clean and your hands where I can see them!
27. Why did the security guard bring handcuffs to work? Just in case things got out of hand!
28. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of salad dressing? Guard-vinaigrette!
29. Why did the security guard bring a whistle to work? To blow the whistle on any suspicious behavior!
30. What did the security guard say to the unruly crowd? Keep calm and disperse!
31. Why did the security guard bring a notepad to work? To jot down any suspicious activities!
32. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of cheese? Cautionary cheddar!
33. Why did the security guard bring a trampoline to work? To bounce back from any security breaches!
34. What did the security guard say to the noisy alarm? Keep it down, you’re disturbing the peace!
35. Why did the security guard bring a telescope to work? To keep an eye on the stars and the security cameras!
36. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of fruit? Guarded grapes!
37. Why did the security guard bring a net to work? To catch any troublemakers in the act!
38. What did the security guard say to the suspicious shadow? Step into the light and identify yourself!
39. Why did the security guard bring a briefcase to work? To carry classified documents… and snacks!
40. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of tea? Guarded green tea!
41. Why did the security guard bring a compass to work? To ensure they always stayed on the right path!
42. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning camera? Smile, you’re on candid camera!
43. Why did the security guard bring a fishing rod to work? To reel in any troublemakers!
44. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of joke to tell on duty? Punny ones that keep the premises safe and sound!
45. Why did the security guard bring a mirror to work? To reflect on their excellent security skills!

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Humorous Security Guard Jokes

46. What did the security guard say to the lost tourist? Let me point you in the right direction… away from restricted areas!
47. Why did the security guard bring a map to work? To navigate through the maze of hallways and corridors!
48. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of candy? Surveillance sweets!
49. Why did the security guard bring a phone to work? To report any suspicious activity to the authorities!
50. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning security camera? Looks like we’ve got a glitch in the surveillance system!
51. Why did the security guard bring a toothbrush to work? To keep their smile sparkling while on duty!
52. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of coffee? Guarded roast!
53. Why did the security guard bring a compass and map to work? To navigate through the twists and turns of security breaches!
54. What did the security guard say to the broken lock? You’re under lock and key-rest!
55. Why did the security guard bring a drone to work? To keep an eye on things from above!
56. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of cereal? Guard flakes!
57. Why did the security guard bring a tape measure to work? To ensure everything was in security check!
58. What did the security guard say to the suspicious squirrel? No nutty business allowed!
59. Why did the security guard bring a mirror to work? To reflect on their commitment to safety!
60. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of joke to tell on duty? Stealthy puns that catch everyone off guard!
61. Why did the security guard bring a notepad and pen to work? To jot down any security breaches… and doodle during quiet shifts!
62. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning security camera? Smile, you’re on camera, even if you’re not!
63. Why did the security guard bring a drone to work? To patrol the skies and keep an eye out for aerial intruders!
64. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of fruit to snack on duty? Surveillance melons!
65. Why did the security guard bring a metal detector to work? To ensure nobody slipped past with a hidden metal object!
66. What did the security guard say to the wobbly fence? Don’t fence me in… or out!
67. Why did the security guard bring a pedometer to work? To track their steps while patrolling the premises!
68. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of sandwich to pack for lunch? Guard dog’s delight!
69. Why did the security guard bring a magnifying glass to work? To investigate any tiny clues left behind by potential intruders!
70. What did the security guard say to the suspicious shadow? Show yourself, or I’ll shine some light on you!
71. Why did the security guard bring a backpack to work? To carry the weight of responsibility… and snacks for long shifts!
72. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of cake? Guard cake with layers of protection!
73. Why did the security guard bring a metal detector and shovel to work? To dig deeper into any suspicious activity!
74. What did the security guard say to the misplaced key? You’re locked out of luck, buddy!
75. Why did the security guard bring a selfie stick to work? To take surveillance selfies and document their vigilant watch!
76. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of joke to tell on duty? Undercover humor that sneaks up on you!
77. Why did the security guard bring a Rubik’s cube to work? To solve any puzzling security issues!
78. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning metal detector? Looks like we’re experiencing some interference in our security measures!
79. Why did the security guard bring a megaphone to work? To amplify their commands and maintain order in any situation!
80. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of cookie? Guardrail cookies that keep the perimeter sweet!
81. Why did the security guard bring a backpack and binoculars to work? To scout out any potential threats from a distance!
82. What did the security guard say to the faulty motion sensor? Looks like we’ve got some false alarms to investigate!
83. Why did the security guard bring a first aid kit to work? To handle any security emergencies with care and efficiency!
84. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of candy to keep them alert on duty? Surveillance gummies!
85. Why did the security guard bring a chessboard to work? To strategize their security moves like a grandmaster!
86. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning CCTV camera? Looks like we’re experiencing technical difficulties in our surveillance!
87. Why did the security guard bring a puzzle book to work? To keep their mind sharp during quiet shifts!
88. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of vegetable? Guard beans that keep them fueled and focused!
89. Why did the security guard bring a GPS tracker to work? To monitor any suspicious movements around the premises!
90. What did the security guard say to the pesky raccoon? No masked bandits allowed on my watch!

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Best Security Guard Jokes

91. Why did the security guard bring a Rubik’s cube to work? To solve any puzzling security breaches with ease!
92. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of sandwich spread? Guard mustard that adds a kick to their lunch break!
93. Why did the security guard bring a pair of binoculars to work? To keep a sharp eye on any suspicious activity from afar!
94. What did the security guard say to the faulty door lock? Looks like we’ve got a lockout situation here!
95. Why did the security guard bring a harmonica to work? To whistle while they work and keep the atmosphere light!
96. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of soup to warm up during night shifts? Guardian stew that keeps them nourished and vigilant!
97. Why did the security guard bring a Rubik’s cube to work? To solve any security puzzle that comes their way!
98. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning security camera? Looks like we’re experiencing a glitch in our surveillance system!
99. Why did the security guard bring a guitar to work? To strum away any tension and keep morale high during quiet shifts!
100. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of dessert to indulge in after a long shift? Surveillance ice cream that cools them down and lifts their spirits!
101. Why did the security guard bring a map to work? To navigate through the maze of corridors and keep intruders at bay!
102. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of movie? Guardzilla vs. the Burglars!
103. Why did the security guard bring a drone to work? To conduct aerial surveillance and keep an eye on the skies!
104. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning security camera? Looks like we’re experiencing technical difficulties in our surveillance!
105. Why did the security guard bring a metal detector to work? To scan for hidden dangers and protect the premises!
106. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of pizza topping? Guard-mushrooms to keep them alert during long shifts!
107. Why did the security guard bring a puzzle book to work? To exercise their mind and stay sharp during quiet hours!
108. What did the security guard say to the malfunctioning alarm? You’re sounding a bit off-key, time for a tune-up!
109. Why did the security guard bring a stopwatch to work? To time their patrols and ensure maximum efficiency!
110. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of dessert to snack on duty? Guard cake with layers of security!
111. Why did the security guard bring a deck of cards to work? To pass the time during quiet shifts and bond with fellow guards!
112. What did the security guard say to the suspicious shadow? Show yourself, or prepare to be illuminated!
113. Why did the security guard bring a Rubik’s cube to work? To solve any security puzzles and keep the premises safe!
114. What’s a security guard’s favorite type of music to listen to on duty? Surveillance symphonies to set the mood for a watchful night!
115. Why did the security guard bring a backpack to work? To carry essential supplies and snacks for those long shifts of vigilance!

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Conclusion

Security guards might have a tough job, but they also have a great sense of humor! These jokes celebrate their dedication and add some laughter to their vigilant watch.

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