37+ Mitch Hedberg Donut Jokes: A Sweet Comedy Treat

Introduction

Welcome to the whimsical realm of Mitch Hedberg’s donut jokes! Known for his offbeat humor and unique comedic style, Hedberg’s witty one-liners about donuts are sure to tickle your funny bone. Let’s dive into a delectable assortment of jokes that will leave you rolling with laughter!

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Mitch Hedberg Donut Jokes

1. “I was walking down the street with a friend and he said, ‘I hear music.’ As if there’s any other way to take it in. You’re not special. That’s how I receive it too… I tried to taste it, but it did not work.”
2. “I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kebabs.”
3. “I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
4. “I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.”
5. “I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”
6. “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.”
7. “I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.”
8. “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.”
9. “I saw a commercial on late-night TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose. You pour in some powder, then you attach it to a hose, and it sprays on this foam stuff that you’re supposed to leave on your car for a while so it gets shiny. I thought, ‘Gee, I could use a hose.'”
10. “My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. I don’t know what’s really happening down there. Who is the real hero?”
11. “I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I’ll just give you the money. Then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction.”
12. “I like to think of donuts as the edible version of inner tubes for your soul.”
13. “I once tried to make a donut at home. It ended up looking like a UFO crash-landed in my kitchen.”
14. “If I had a dollar for every time I’ve craved a donut, I’d be able to buy a dozen without even thinking twice.”
15. “Donuts are proof that sometimes the hole is the best part.”
16. “I tried to impress my date by ordering the fanciest donut on the menu. Turns out, it was just a regular donut with a top hat.”
17. “I asked the donut shop if they had anything low-calorie. They pointed to the door and said, ‘That way to the salad bar.'”
18. “My doctor told me to watch my sugar intake, so I started eating donuts with my eyes closed.”
19. “I like my donuts how I like my jokes: glazed over and filled with laughter.”
20. “I told my friend I was on a diet, and they said, ‘Just one donut won’t hurt.’ So I ate twelve.”
21. “I once tried to dunk a donut in my coffee, but it just stared back at me like, ‘You think you can handle this?’ It was right.”
22. “I tried to teach my dog to fetch donuts, but all he brought back was disappointment.”
23. “I asked the donut shop for their most exotic flavor. They handed me a plain one and said, ‘That’s as exotic as it gets around here.'”
24. “I believe in equal opportunity donut consumption. Whether you’re a cop or a criminal, everyone deserves a bite.”
25. “I tried to juggle donuts once. Let’s just say it ended in a sticky situation.”
26. “Donuts are like happiness in edible form. And much like happiness, you can never have too many.”
27. “I ordered a dozen donuts for delivery. They arrived in a box labeled ‘Emergency Happiness Kit.’ They weren’t wrong.”
28. “My favorite kind of donut is the one I’m about to eat.”
29. “I once tried to make a healthy version of a donut. It was called a ‘doughnut,’ and it tasted like regret.”
30. “I told my doctor I’ve been feeling a bit empty lately. He prescribed me a dozen donuts and said, ‘Fill ‘er up.'”
31. “I don’t trust people who say they don’t like donuts. It’s like saying you don’t believe in magic.”
32. “I asked the donut shop if they had any special offers. They said, ‘Every donut is special when it’s in your hands.'”
33. “I tried to share a donut with my friend, but they said they were on a diet. So I ate both donuts and told them I was on a see-food diet.”
34. “I once tried to use a donut as a stress ball. It didn’t help with my stress, but it did improve my mood.”
35. “I told my therapist I have a recurring dream about donuts. She said, ‘Maybe it’s time to make that dream a reality.'”
36. “I tried to impress my crush by reciting poetry about donuts. They said it was sweet, but they preferred chocolate.”
37. “I asked the donut shop for a dozen assorted donuts. They gave me eleven glazed and one that looked like it went through a rough breakup.”
38. “I tried to eat a donut while driving. Let’s just say it’s not easy to steer with powdered sugar on your hands.”
39. “I told my friend I’m trying to cut back on donuts. They said, ‘Just remember, a balanced diet is a donut in each hand.'”
40. “I heard they’re making a movie about donuts. It’s called ‘Hole-ywood: The Glaze of Glory.'”

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Conclusion

Mitch Hedberg’s donut jokes serve up a delightful blend of absurdity and wit, showcasing his unique comedic genius. 

With his offbeat observations and deadpan delivery, Hedberg leaves a lasting impression on audiences, proving that even the simplest topics like donuts can be a source of endless amusement.

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