57+ Hilarious Marine vs. Army Jokes: A Battle of Humor

Introduction

Military humor has a unique flavor, and one of the most common comedic themes revolves around the friendly rivalry between the Marines and the Army. Both branches of the U.S. Armed Forces have their own distinct traditions, cultures, and, of course, jokes. 

In this collection, we’ve compiled a series of one-liners that playfully highlight the differences and similarities between Marines and Army personnel. So, let’s dive into the battlefield of humor and see who comes out on top in the laughter department!

Read More: Jokes About Army

Marine Vs Army Jokes

1. Why did the Marine bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
2. How do you confuse a Marine and an Army soldier? Ask them to spell “navy.”
3. What’s the difference between a Marine and a cup of yogurt? The yogurt has a live culture.
4. Why do Marines make terrible DJs? They can’t handle a “drop” without jumping.
5. Why do Army soldiers make great librarians? Because they’re experts at hushing the enemy.
6. How does a Marine find his way out of the woods? He follows the path of breadcrumbs back to the mess hall.
7. Why do Marines make great surgeons? Because they can’t be rattled, even in the face of a “gutsy” situation.
8. What’s an Army soldier’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
9. Why did the Marine join the Army? He wanted to learn to read and write.
10. Why do Army soldiers always carry a pencil behind their ear? In case they have to draw their weapon.
11. How does a Marine count to ten? 0, 1, 3, 7, 10.
12. Why did the Army soldier bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the Marine Corps was there, and he wanted to be one step ahead.
13. Why don’t Marines play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when you’re always shouting “Oorah!”
14. What’s the Marines’ favorite exercise? In-barracks inspections.
15. Why did the Army soldier bring a backpack to the bar? Because he heard it was a “ruck”-us party.
16. How can you tell the difference between a Marine and an Army soldier at a barbecue? The Marine will be the one trying to start a fire by rubbing two MREs together.
17. Why do Marines hate chess? Because they can’t handle more than one “corporal” at a time.
18. How does an Army soldier propose? “Will you be the MRE to my heart?”
19. What’s the Army’s secret weapon? PowerPoint presentations.
20. Why don’t Marines ever get lost? They don’t need a map; they just follow the sound of the nearest cadence.
21. How do you make a Marine smile on a Monday? Tell them it’s Friday.
22. What’s the Marine’s favorite game show? “Survivor.”
23. Why don’t Army soldiers use elevators? They’re afraid of heights.
24. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 70? Colonel.
25. Why did the Army soldier carry a marker to the bar? In case he needed to “draw” his weapon in a showdown with the Marines.
26. Why did the Marine take a mirror to the desert? He wanted to know what a real oasis looks like.
27. How do Marines play hide and seek? They don’t hide; they just camouflage themselves as action figures.
28. What do you call a Marine who can play the piano? A genius. What do you call an Army soldier who can play the piano? A miracle.
29. What’s an Army soldier’s favorite punctuation mark? The “sarge-comma.”
30. Why do Marines love MREs? Because they can enjoy three square meals a day, no matter where they are.

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Hilarious Marine Vs Army Jokes

31. Why do Army soldiers love MREs? Because they can use them as bargaining chips with Marines.
32. Why don’t Marines get lost in the woods? Because the woods are afraid to lose Marines.
33. Why did the Marine bring a broom to the battlefield? Because he wanted to sweep the enemy off their feet.
34. What do you call a Marine with a high school diploma? A staff sergeant.
35. How do you make an Army soldier’s day? Give them a day off from PowerPoint presentations.
36. Why did the Marine apply for a job at the bakery? He wanted to learn how to “knead” dough properly.
37. How do Army soldiers navigate in the dark? They follow the night light.
38. Why do Marines hate the alphabet? Because they can’t get past “R.”
39. What’s the Army’s favorite letter? The General.
40. How do you know an Army soldier has been using the computer? The screen is full of bullet points.
41. Why did the Marine bring a ladder to the gunfight? Because he heard the enemy had air support.
42. Why don’t Army soldiers ever get lost at sea? They always have a compass—Captain Crunch.
43. What’s the Army’s favorite type of movie? “The General’s Speech.”
44. How do you get a Marine to stop biting his nails? Make him a bowtie out of his shoelaces.
45. Why do Marines use crayons for tactical planning? Because it’s the only way to make a map colorful.
46. What’s the Army’s favorite snack? “Militarized” popcorn.
47. Why don’t Marines like playing cards with the Army? Because the Army has too many “aces” up their sleeves.
48. How do you motivate a Marine to run faster? Tell them there’s chow waiting at the finish line.
49. What’s the Army’s favorite music genre? “March”ing bands.
50. Why don’t Marines ever play chess with Army soldiers? Because they can’t handle “battling” with strategy.
51. Why do Army soldiers wear camouflage in the snow? In case they have to hide in a marshmallow factory.
52. What’s the Marine’s favorite season? Fall, because it’s time for more PT.
53. Why do Army soldiers make terrible comedians? Their jokes always come with a “general” message.
54. Why did the Marine bring a map to the bar? He heard it was the best way to find the nearest Navy sailor.
55. How do you get an Army soldier to exercise? Put them in charge of a “retreat.”
56. Why did the Marine become a gardener? He wanted to learn how to “dig in.”
57. How do you make a Marine laugh on the battlefield? Tell them to “embrace the suck.”
58. Why did the Army soldier bring a compass to the bar? In case he needed to find his way home after being out-ranked by the Marines.
59. Why don’t Marines ever get tired of push-ups? Because they enjoy looking down on everyone else.
60. How do you get an Army soldier to stop talking? Give them a mic and tell them it’s time for a briefing.

Read More: 

Jokes About Navy

Jokes About National Guards

Conclusion

The rivalry between the Marines and the Army is all in good fun, and these jokes are a lighthearted way to poke fun at the unique cultures and traditions of these two esteemed military branches. 

While in reality, both Marines and Army soldiers work together as part of the U.S. Armed Forces, it’s always enjoyable to share a laugh about their differences. Remember, it’s all about camaraderie and honoring the sacrifices and dedication of these brave men and women in uniform.

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