Funny Wedding: 110+ Hilarious One-liners for Wedded Bliss

Introduction

Weddings are joyous occasions filled with love, laughter, and yes, a fair share of humor! One way to celebrate the union of two people is through a hearty dose of laughter. 

Here’s a collection of 110+ humorous one-liners and jokes that poke fun at the delightful institution of marriage.

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Getting Married Jokes

1. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
2. What’s the definition of a perfect wife? One who helps the husband with the dishes… when they’re eating out!
3. I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” So I got her nothing.
4. Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with their spouses when they’re dead!
5. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
6. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds!
7. Why did the wedding cake go to school? It wanted to become a little more tier-educated!
8. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
9. What did the groom say to the wedding cake? “I’m just here for the frosting!”
10. Why was the best man shaking at the wedding? He was the toast of the town!
11. What’s the difference between a wedding and a funeral? At a wedding, you get to smell your flowers!
12. Why did the bride’s smartphone go to the wedding? It wanted to capture the “I do’s” and “I don’ts”!
13. What’s the advantage of getting married on New Year’s Eve? You can start the year with a wife!
14. Why did the engagement ring break up with the diamond necklace? They just couldn’t seem to bond!
15. Why do brides wear veils? Because they never know what they’re getting into!
16. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first comes the ring, then you wake up!
17. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
18. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
19. How do you know when you’ve met the perfect partner? When they still laugh at your jokes after marriage!
20. Why did the marriage counselor suggest they use a calendar? To improve their dates!
21. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person—especially after they leave the toilet seat up.
22. Why do married men gain weight? Because they don’t have to suck in their stomach anymore!
23. What’s the difference between a wedding ceremony and a funeral? At the funeral, you get to smell your flowers!
24. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
25. Why don’t brides smile at weddings? They realize they’ve given up dating for good!
26. Why did the best man bring a ladder to the wedding? To raise a toast!
27. What’s the secret to a happy marriage? It remains a secret!
28. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. It was her turn to laugh.
29. What’s the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday? Forget it once!
30. Marriage is like a fine wine—it gets better with age. Also, it can give you a headache.
31. Why don’t marriage counselors ever get divorced? They have too many unsolved problems!
32. Why did the marriage of the music conductor fall apart? Because he lost the baton!
33. What’s the difference between a bride and a tornado? The dress!
34. Why did the marriage counselor switch careers? He lost interest in the relationship!
35. What’s the similarity between marriage and a tornado? At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then someone loses the house!
36. Why did the vegetable couple decide to get married? Because they felt they were peas in a pod!
37. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like a groom on his wedding day!
38. Why do brides wear white? Because it’s the most visible color for the dishwasher!
39. Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
40. Why did the man put his money in the blender before getting married? He wanted to start his marriage on a liquid asset!

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Hilarious Getting Married

41. Marriage is like a fine wine: if tended to properly, it can lead to years of joy, but if ignored, it turns sour.
42. Why did the engagement ring go to school? It wanted to be a little boulder!
43. Getting married is like a card game. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
44. Why was the bride so angry at the wedding? She ordered a bridal bouquet, but they threw it instead!
45. Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with a full heart and a diamond, but then you find yourself wishing for a club and a spade.
46. Why was the groom standing at the altar looking puzzled? He was having cold feet!
47. What did one married toaster say to the other? “I’m so happy, I’m on a roll!”
48. What do you call a marriage where the man does all the cooking? A henpecked husband!
49. Marriage is like a parachute—when you jump, the open agreement makes the landing smoother.
50. Why did the man get married in the garden? Because he wanted to tie the knot in a rose ceremony!
51. Marriage is like a fine wine: it gets better with age, but sometimes it turns into vinegar.
52. What did one wedding ring say to the other? “Our relationship has a nice ring to it!”
53. Getting married is like a deck of cards. At first, all you need is a heart and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a spade and a club.
54. What’s the similarity between marriage and a cafeteria? You have lots of options, but once you choose, you’re stuck with what’s on your plate!
55. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
56. What did the husband say to his wife on their wedding anniversary? “Let’s go upstairs and make this a memorable occasion!”
57. Why did the wedding cake go to school? It wanted to become a layer!
58. Why was the best man nervous? He forgot to write a speech, so he had to wing it!
59. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like wedding vows!
60. Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
61. Why did the man propose to his girlfriend on a rainy day? He wanted to make it a special “shower” for her!
62. Marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
63. What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newlywebbed!
64. What’s the difference between marriage and a hot bath? After a hot bath, the water cools down!
65. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
66. Why did the husband get a photo of his wife laminated? He wanted to keep her forever!
67. Why did the married couple go to the gym? Because they wanted their relationship to work out!
68. Why did the baker go to the wedding? He wanted to make some dough!
69. Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
70. Why was the wedding cake so emotional? It couldn’t stop tiers of joy!
71. Why did the groom bring string to the wedding? He wanted to tie the knot!
72. What’s the similarity between marriage and a hot bath? After a hot bath, the water cools down!
73. Why was the scarecrow invited to the wedding? Because he was outstanding in his field!
74. Marriage is like a game of chess: one wrong move and you’re mated.
75. What’s the similarity between a husband and a newspaper? They’re both difficult to change once they’ve been delivered!
76. Why did the man propose to his girlfriend at the bank? He wanted to make a joint account!
77. What’s the advantage of having your wedding at a tennis court? You’ll definitely have love, sets, and a match!
78. Why did the engagement ring break up with the wedding band? They had a rocky relationship!
79. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.
80. Why don’t married couples go to the gym? Because the word “exercise” starts with “ex,” which means “former.”

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Getting Married One-Liners

81. What’s the definition of a perfect wife? One who helps the husband with the dishes… when they’re eating out!
82. Why was the groom’s suit so wrinkled? Because love is pressing!
83. What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener!
84. Why did the wedding photographer get in trouble? He couldn’t stop focusing on the bride!
85. What did the wife say to her husband on their wedding day? “I’m looking forward to our ‘happily ever after’… as long as it includes a dishwasher!”
86. Why did the wedding cake go to school? It wanted to get a little more frosting!
87. Why do married people tend to gain weight? Because they no longer have to worry about attracting a mate!
88. Why did the bride refuse to play hide and seek at the wedding? She didn’t want to get cold feet!
89. Marriage is like a walk in the park—Jurassic Park.
90. Why did the engagement ring break up with the diamond necklace? They couldn’t seem to mesh together!
91. Why did the engaged couple decide to get married on the first day of spring? So their love could blossom!
92. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
93. What’s the difference between a bride and a queen? One marries and the other reigns!
94. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
95. Why did the wedding cake go to school? To get a little icing on its education!
96. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? He wanted to raise a toast!
97. What’s the similarity between a husband and a storm? At first, it’s thrilling, but when it’s over, you’ve lost your house!
98. What’s the difference between a wedding and a baseball game? In both cases, you hope you’ll hear the “wedding march”!
99. Why was the wedding photographer arrested? For trying to frame the bride!
100. Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first, all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
101. What’s the difference between a bride and a vacuum cleaner? The vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in before it sucks!
102. Why did the engagement ring want to go to school? It wanted to become a little boulder!
103. Why did the best man feel bad at the wedding? He knew the groom before he was outstanding!
104. Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
105. Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants during a wedding ceremony—it was a waist of time!
106. Why do brides wear veils? So they don’t count the groom’s wrinkles!
107. Marriage is all about balance. Like when one spouse says something smart, the other counters with something correct.
108. What’s the similarity between a wedding and a baseball game? In both cases, you hope you’ll hear the “wedding march”!
109. Why did the newlyweds decide to elope? They wanted to run away and live happily ever after!
110. What did the groom say to the cake? “You take the tiers, and I’ll take the bride!”
111. Why did the bride refuse to marry the mailman? She didn’t want to end up with a first-class husband!
112. Marriage is like a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
113. What’s the similarity between a husband and a newspaper? They’re both difficult to change once they’ve been delivered!

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Conclusion

Laughter is indeed the best medicine, even in the context of marriage. These jokes highlight the funny aspects of the journey two people embark upon when they decide to tie the knot. 

Remember, a good laugh can strengthen the bond between partners and make the journey together even more enjoyable.

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