Introduction
Demetri Martin, known for his deadpan delivery and intellectual humor, has a knack for turning the mundane into the absurdly funny. His one-liners, puns, and clever observations have left audiences in stitches.
In this collection, we delve into some of Demetri Martin‘s most hilarious jokes that offer a unique perspective on everyday life.
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Demetri Martin Chuckles
- I used to play piano by ear. Now, I use my hands.
- “I think it’s cool how the word ‘OK’ is a sideways person.”
- I like to meditate. But I’m not great at it. I’m at the point where I can get my leg to sleep.
- “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2,000 of something.”
- I bought a thesaurus. It’s great! There’s no other word for it.
- “I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired.”
- I was reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- “Sponges are the most hipster kitchen tool. They’re always absorbing, but you’ve probably never heard of them.”
- I once dated an apostrophe. It was possessive.
- “I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don’t need a receipt for a donut. I give you money and you give me the donut. End of transaction.”
- I have a cheese-detecting dog. He’s a lab.
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
- I don’t have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
- “I like escalators because they can never break; they can only become stairs.”
- I used to be a 3D modeler. But then I lost my perspective.
- “I think it’s interesting when a baby looks like a famous person. Like, ‘Hey, that baby looks like Winston Churchill!'”
- I have a book on reverse psychology. Don’t read it.
- “I’m not good at sports. I once had to ride a bike for an event, and I thought, ‘What if I fall off? Then everyone will see that I can’t ride a bike.'”
- I bought a dictionary, but when I got home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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Demetri’s Puns
- “I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
- I used to play chess, but I gave it up. Too many moving parts.
- “I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.”
- I have an ant farm, but I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do with it.
- “I got a haircut and now my comb is obsolete.”
- I have a fish tank, but I don’t have any fish. I have the fish tank just to remind me to take care of something other than myself.
- “I like the word ‘swerve.’ It’s a fun word. ‘Swerve’… you can use it for almost anything.”
- I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- “I think vests are all about protection. Like, ‘I’m wearing two layers of protection on my chest!'”
- I once met a guy who collected seashells. He brought his collection in a briefcase. It was a real shell game.
- “I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kebabs.”
- I tried to do stand-up comedy, but I couldn’t stand up.
- “I got in trouble for saying ‘spelling bee’ when it was happening, and a bee flew in the window.”
- I have an obsession with cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.
- “I like to people-watch. It’s my way of saying, ‘Hey, you don’t have to pay attention to me.'”
- I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
- “I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.”
- I used to be a door-to-door salesman. But I was just a pushover.
- “I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.”
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Demetri Martin Giggles
- I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
- “I like to have the radio on when I’m driving. I’m just waiting for the song I like to come on, so I can turn it up and pretend I’m in a music video.”
- I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
- “I’m writing a screenplay for a romantic comedy, but I’m stuck on the title. So far, I’m leaning toward ‘Love Means Never Having to Check Your Texts.'”
- I bought a plant. It died. I bought another plant. It died too. I think they were a couple.
- “I used to be a mime, but I broke the silence.”
- I saw a sign that said ‘watch for children’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’
- “I like to see couples holding hands. That’s how you know they’re not texting.”
- I was once stranded on a desert island. The desert just wasn’t the same without Wi-Fi.
- “I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s just not working. I’m on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
- I used to play hide and seek. They wouldn’t even look for me.
- “I think the worst thing about being a grown-up is having to answer the phone. I’d rather just text, ‘What’s up?'”
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
- “I tried to do yoga once, but I couldn’t find a comfortable position. So, I just went back to sitting on the couch.”
- I have a cat, but I tell people I have a tiger. They come over expecting a tiger, but they just get a cat.
- “I used to be a stand-up comic, but I was always sitting down.”
- I have a belt that’s a clock. It’s a waist of time.
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
- I once took a selfie with a scarecrow. I got no likes because he looked better than me.
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Conclusion
Demetri Martin’s humor is a refreshing departure from the ordinary. His ability to find humor in the simple things we often overlook is truly remarkable.
We hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes and found a few that brightened your day. Remember, laughter is the best medicine!
FAQs
What makes Demetri Martin’s humor unique?
Demetri Martin’s humor stands out for its clever wordplay, absurd observations, and deadpan delivery. He has a unique way of finding humor in the everyday.
Where can I watch Demetri Martin’s comedy performances?
You can find Demetri Martin’s comedy specials on various streaming platforms like Netflix and Amazon Prime Video.
What are some of Demetri Martin’s most famous jokes?
Demetri Martin is known for jokes like “I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands” and “I bought a dictionary, but when I got home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.”