Dad Says Jokes: 113+ Hilarious One-liners About Dads’ Wisdom

Introduction

Dads have a unique way of imparting wisdom, often with a touch of humor or a dash of absurdity.

From corny puns to unexpected words of wisdom, dad sayings are a source of endless entertainment. Here, we present a collection of jokes inspired by the quirky things dads say.

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Dad Says Jokes

1. “I asked my dad if we could turn up the volume. He replied, ‘You can always turn up the volume of kindness.'”
2. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my dad’s stories!”
3. “Dad’s favorite time of day? ‘Half-past a freckle, quarter to a hair!'”
4. “Why did the dad sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time!”
5. “When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!”
6. “I told my dad I was cold. He said, ‘Go stand in the corner—it’s 90 degrees!'”
7. “Why did the dad cross the road? To get to the barbecue on the other side!“
8. “Dad: ‘I heard you were talking to a girl on the internet.’ Son: ‘Dad, I’m right here.’ Dad: ‘Well, it’s good to meet you!'”
9. “I asked my dad if he had seen my sunglasses. He said, ‘No, but have you seen my dad glasses?'”
10. “Why did the dad stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said ‘concentrate!'”
11. “Dad: ‘Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground?’ Kid: ‘No…’ Dad: ‘He woke up!'”
12. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like my dad at karaoke!”
13. “I told my dad I was hungry. He said, ‘Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad.'”
14. “Why don’t dads ever get lost? Because they’re always following their instincts—also known as GPS!”
15. “Dad: ‘Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!’
16. “Why did the dad go to the bank? To get his quarter back!”
17. “Dad: ‘I only have two settings: sleep and sleepier.’
18. “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like my dad!”
19. “Dad: ‘What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!’
20. “Why did the dad bring a pencil to the party? Because he heard it was a draw!”
21. “Dad: ‘What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!’
22. “Why did the dad buy a paper dictionary? He wanted to expand his vocabulary!”
23. “Dad: ‘What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!’
24. “Why did the dad wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!”
25. “Dad: ‘I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.’
26. “Why did the dad bring a car door to the desert? So he could roll down the window when it got too hot!”
27. “Dad: ‘Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up!’
28. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like my dad at karaoke!” (Repetition intended for comedic effect)
29. “Dad: ‘Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!'”
30. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when your mom asks who finished the cookies!'”

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Hilarious Dad Says Jokes

31. “Why did the dad take a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the top shelf!”
32. “Dad: ‘Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up, just like your mom and I!'”
33. “Dad: ‘What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forest1!'”
34. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my excuses for not doing the dishes!”
35. “Dad: ‘Why don’t bicycles stand up by themselves? They’re two-tired!'”
36. “Why did the dad sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time, even though he’s always fashionably late!”
37. “Dad: ‘Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was debris everywhere, but it was nacho fault!'”
38. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be called bagels!”
39. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak!'”
40. “Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies? They don’t have the guts, just like me during your mom’s favorite rom-com!”
41. “Dad: ‘Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies!'”
42. “Why don’t eggs play hide and seek? Because they always get found, just like my secret snack stash!”
43. “Dad: ‘Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!'”
44. “Why did the dad go to the art museum? Because he heard you can get a frame of reference!”
45. “Dad: ‘What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta, just like my fake excuses for being late to your school events!'”
46. “Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something, just like me when I promise to fix the leaky faucet!”
47. “Dad: ‘Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!'”
48. “Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always rock the game!”
49. “Why did the dad go to the beach with a hammer and a bag of nails? Because he wanted to build a sandcastle!”
50. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when your mom asks who ate the last piece of cake!'”
51. “Why don’t eggs tell secrets? Because they might crack under pressure, just like my jokes!”
52. “Dad: ‘Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired from all the dad jokes!'”
53. “Why did the scarecrow become a successful businessman? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
54. “Why did the dad take a ladder to the concert? Because he heard the music was going to be off the charts!”
55. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my excuses for forgetting your birthday!”
56. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when your mom asks for a foot massage!'”
57. “Why don’t eggs ever get in trouble? Because they always egg-scape before they’re caught!”
58. “Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish, just like me when it comes to sharing snacks!”
59. “Dad: ‘Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, just like I turn red when you tell your friends about my dance moves!'”
60. “Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like my attempts at assembling IKEA furniture!”

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Funny Dad Says One-Liners

61. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always rock the game, just like me when I’m on the grill!'”
62. “Why did the dad bring a map to the grocery store? Because he wanted to find the aisle of wisdom!”
63. “Dad: ‘Why don’t scientists trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something, just like me when I tell your mom I’m going to bed early!'”
64. “Why did the dad cross the road twice? He wanted to prove he wasn’t chicken!”
65. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they’re always so rocky, just like my morning routine!'”
66. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the stomach for it, just like me after your mom’s cooking!”
67. “Dad: ‘Why was the broom late? It swept in at the last minute!'”
68. “Why did the dad bring a bucket of water to the dinner table? In case things got too heated!”
69. “Dad: ‘What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!'”
70. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be called bay-gulls!”
71. “Dad: ‘Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like my taxes!'”
72. “Why did the dad stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said ‘concentrate’!”
73. “Dad: ‘Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like me at barbecues!'”
74. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my excuses!”
75. “Dad: ‘Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up, just like me and your mom!'”
76. “Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!”
77. “Dad: ‘Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, just like I blush when I embarrass you!'”
78. “Why did the dad put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets!”
79. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak too soon!'”
80. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when your mom asks for a foot massage!”
81. “Dad: ‘Why don’t eggs ever get in trouble? Because they always egg-scape before they’re caught, just like you with chores!'”
82. “Why did the dad bring a clock to the bar? He wanted to keep track of how long he’d been drinking!”
83. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always rock the game, just like I rock your world!'”
84. “Dad: ‘Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like my excuses for being late!'”
85. “Why did the dad bring a ladder to the concert? Because he heard the band was climbing the charts!”
86. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when I have to do the dishes!'”
87. “Dad: ‘Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems, just like my Mondays!'”
88. “Why did the dad go to the art museum? Because he wanted to brush up on his culture!”
89. “Dad: ‘Why don’t eggs tell secrets? Because they might crack under pressure, just like my jokes!'”
90. “Why did the dad take a flashlight to bed? Because he wanted to shed some light on the situation!”

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Best Dad Says Jokes

91. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak too soon, just like me in college!'”
92. “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when I watch horror movies!”
93. “Why did the dad bring a map to the football game? In case they needed to tackle any directions!”
94. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always rock the game, just like my taste in music!'”
95. “Why did the dad bring a suitcase to the barbecue? In case he wanted to take a little grill trip!”
96. “Dad: ‘Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!'”
97. “Why did the dad bring a pencil to the party? In case he needed to draw attention!”
98. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when I watch horror movies!'”
99. “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!”
100. “Why did the dad bring a map to the football game? In case they needed to tackle directions!”
101. “Dad: ‘Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, just like I turn red when I embarrass you!'”
102. “Dad: ‘Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts, just like me when I watch a scary movie!'”
103. “Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!”
104. “Why did the dad buy a watermelon? Because he wanted to make a splash at the picnic!”
105. “Dad: ‘Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing, just like I turn red when I’m embarrassed!'”
106. “Dad: ‘What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved, just like I do when I mow the lawn!'”
107. “Why did the dad bring a map to the concert? Because he heard the band was climbing the charts!”
108. “Why did the dad bring a pencil to the race? In case he needed to draw first place!”
109. “Why did the dad put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make liquid assets!”
110. “Dad: ‘Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired from all the riding!'”
111. “Dad: ‘Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field, just like me at dad jokes!'”
112. “Dad: ‘Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!'”
113. “Why did the dad wear sunglasses? Because his future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear shades!”
114. “Dad: ‘Why don’t we ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak too soon, just like my dad jokes!'”
115. “Why did the dad wear two different socks? In case he got a hole in one!”

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Jokes About Dock Dad

Conclusion

Dad sayings and jokes never fail to bring a smile to our faces. Whether they’re sharing words of wisdom or cracking corny puns, dads have a special way of making us laugh. Embrace the humor and cherish the memories of those hilarious dad moments.

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