44+ Confucius Says Jokes: Witty Wisdom for Laughter!

Introduction

Welcome to a comedic journey through the lens of 44+ Confucius says jokes. In this collection, we fuse the timeless wisdom of Confucius with a modern twist, delivering laughter and enlightenment in equal measure. 

Join us as we navigate through clever quips, witty observations, and humorous takes on age-old sayings.

Read more: Confucius Sayings Jokes

Confucius Sayings One-Liners

1. Confucius says, “Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”
2. Confucius says, “Man who throws dirt is losing ground.”
3. Confucius says, “Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.”
4. Confucius says, “Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jumps for joy.”
5. Confucius says, “Man who eats too many prunes may run for the restroom, but is on a smooth path.”
6. Confucius says, “Man who falls into piano gets A-flat minor.”
7. Confucius says, “Man who sleeps with both eyes open likely has a webcam.”
8. Confucius says, “Man who takes too many coffee breaks gets grounded.”
9. Confucius says, “Man who stands on paper to be high, eventually feels the punchline.”
10. Confucius says, “Man who throws clock out window is taking time off.”
11. Confucius says, “Man who dives into liquor often finds the bottom.”
12. Confucius says, “Man who tries to catch fog gets misty-eyed.”
13. Confucius says, “Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusions.”
14. Confucius says, “Man who steals calendar gets 12 months.”
15. Confucius says, “Man who falls into barrel of molasses is in sticky situation.”
16. Confucius says, “Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.”

Read more: Philosophy Jokes

Confucius Sayings Giggles

17. Confucius says, “Man who speaks without thinking, talks without listeners.”
18. Confucius says, “Man who stands in front of car gets tired. Man who stands behind car gets exhausted.”
19. Confucius says, “Man who invents automatic door has hands-free experience.”
20. Confucius says, “Man who eats dynamite may have a blast, but once.”
21. Confucius says, “Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double-crosser.”
22. Confucius says, “Man who plays hide and seek with a mirror is looking for himself.”
23. Confucius says, “Man who runs beside car will get the best workout.”
24. Confucius says, “Man who stands on street corner with hands in pockets feels cocky all day.”
25. Confucius says, “Man who puts roast pig in kitchen sink is bacon in the wrong place.”
26. Confucius says, “Man who falls in vat of molten glass makes spectacle of himself.”
27. Confucius says, “Man who sits on tack is better off.”
28. Confucius says, “Man who eats photo of a clock is very time-consuming.”
29. Confucius says, “Man who puts chili in ice cream is nuts.”
30. Confucius says, “Man who falls in love with a gardener is digging his own grave.”
31. Confucius says, “Man who cuts himself while shaving has to face the razor’s edge.”
32. Confucius says, “Man who eats fire gets heartburn.”

Read more: Meaning Jokes

Confucius Sayings Chuckles

33. Confucius says, “Man who stands on hill with mouth open will wait long time for roast duck to drop in.”
34. Confucius says, “Man who crosses a lion and a witch should expect a visit from the wardrobe department.”
35. Confucius says, “Man who plays hopscotch on escalator is always a step ahead.”
36. Confucius says, “Man who jumps off cliff jumps to a conclusion.”
37. Confucius says, “Man who sleeps on nails is sure to rise.”
38. Confucius says, “Man who puts jelly on electric blanket is in for a shock.”
39. Confucius says, “Man who stands on beach with hands in pockets doesn’t feel the sands of time.”
40. Confucius says, “Man who wears belt with suspenders has great hold on life.”
41. Confucius says, “Man who stands on scale, weighing pros and cons, often tips the balance.”
42. Confucius says, “Man who eats glue gets stuck in a sticky situation.”
43. Confucius says, “Man who pees into the wind gets a wet forecast.”
44. Confucius says, “Man who plays hide and seek with a chameleon is still seeking.”
45. Confucius says, “Man who eats fireworks gets a bang out of life.”
46. Confucius says, “Man who walks through door sideways is going to Bangkok.”
47. Confucius says, “Man who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger.”
48. Confucius says, “Man who puts banana in refrigerator is appealing.”

Read more:

Zizek Jokes

Diss Jokes

Conclusion

As we conclude this exploration of Confucius says jokes, we hope you’ve found moments of joy and reflection. Humor has the power to bridge cultures and eras, and these jokes are a testament to that. 

Keep smiling, keep pondering, and may your laughter be as timeless as Confucius himself.

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