93+ Jokes About a Bad Pirate: Laughing on the High Seas

Introduction

Ahoy, mateys! There’s nothing like a good pirate joke to brighten your day, and today, we’ve got a treasure chest full of them. 

Join us on this humorous voyage as we explore the world of a not-so-great pirate and the comical misadventures that follow.

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Bad Pirate Jokes

1. Why did the bad pirate go to school? Because he wanted to improve his “arrrrrrrrrrrrt”!
2. How did the bad pirate feel after losing his ship? He was “shipwrecked” with guilt!
3. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his treasure map? “X marks the oops!”
4. Why did the bad pirate bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
5. What did the bad pirate say when he got a splinter? “Arrr, matey, I be wounded in action!”
6. Why was the bad pirate always angry? Because he couldn’t find his ‘Aye’-phone.
7. How do bad pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
8. Why did the bad pirate bring a ladder to the treasure hunt? He heard the loot was on the top shelf.
9. What’s the bad pirate’s favorite kind of music? Rock and Roll!
10. How do bad pirates prefer to make their coffee? A little stir-matey!
11. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite mode of transportation? A ship-taxi!
12. What did the bad pirate say to the octopus he met in the ocean? “Squid pro quo.”
13. What did the bad pirate say when he became a chef? “I’ll be making ‘sea’-food.”
14. Why did the bad pirate start a band? He wanted to hit the high seas!
15. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? You’d think it’s ‘R,’ but it’s actually the ‘C’ they love!
16. Why did the bad pirate get kicked out of the library? He was talking too loud during ‘bookaneer’ hour!
17. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite kind of dog? A Labra-pirate!
18. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his swordfight? “I guess it wasn’t ‘cut-throat’ competition.”
19. Why did the bad pirate get into stand-up comedy? He wanted to earn some ‘booty’ful laughter.
20. What did the bad pirate say when he failed the navigation test? “I guess I should’ve ‘seas’d’ the day!”
21. Why did the bad pirate apply for a job at the bank? He wanted to “make some ‘buccaneers’!”
22. What did the bad pirate say when he got caught cheating at cards? “I thought it was a game of ‘plunder’!”
23. Why did the bad pirate become a gardener? He wanted to grow some ‘shiver-me-timbers’!
24. What did the bad pirate say when he found out he had a long-lost twin? “Arrr, matey, it be ‘duplicated’ treasure!”
25. Why did the bad pirate buy a new ship? Because his old one was ‘shipwrecked’!
26. What did the bad pirate say when he became a carpenter? “I’m great at ‘plank’ construction!”
27. Why did the bad pirate become a poet? Because he had a way with ‘sea-soned’ words.
28. What did the bad pirate say when he tried to dance? “I’ve got two left peg-legs!”
29. Why did the bad pirate refuse to play cards with the octopus? Because it was too good at ‘suckling’!
30. What did the bad pirate say when he found a treasure chest full of socks? “Well, this be a real ‘sock-plunder’!”

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Hilarious Bad Pirate Jokes

31. Why did the bad pirate open a bakery? Because he wanted to make ‘dough’ the pirate way!
32. What did the bad pirate say when he forgot to wear his eyepatch? “I’m not ‘eye’-deal without it!”
33. Why did the bad pirate become a comedian? Because he loved cracking ‘seaworthy’ jokes.
34. What did the bad pirate say when he heard a good joke? “That’s a ‘barrr’el of laughs!”
35. Why did the bad pirate bring a ladder to the desert? He heard the sand had “sandcastles” of treasure!
36. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite subject in school? “Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt” class!
37. Why did the bad pirate get a parrot for a pet? Because it was a ‘repeat’ offender!
38. What did the bad pirate say when he broke his compass? “I’ve lost my ‘direction’!”
39. Why did the bad pirate start a fashion line? He had an eye for ‘high-sea’ fashion.
40. What did the bad pirate say when he won the poker game? “I guess I’ve got a ‘winning plank’!”
41. Why did the bad pirate become a DJ? He loved to ‘sea’s the beat!
42. What did the bad pirate say when he got caught shoplifting? “I thought it was ‘plunder’ and loot!”
43. Why did the bad pirate become a chef? Because he could ‘sear’iously cook up a storm!
44. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his pet monkey? “I guess he went ‘ape’ship!”
45. Why did the bad pirate start a garden club? He wanted to cultivate a ‘seaweed’ following.
46. What did the bad pirate say when he got a new hat? “I’ve got a ‘head’ for treasure!”
47. Why did the bad pirate try to become a comedian? Because he wanted to ‘hook’ the audience!
48. What did the bad pirate say when he found a treasure map to his own ship? “I’ve been ‘going in circles’!”
49. Why did the bad pirate become a painter? He had an eye for ‘buccaneer’ colors!
50. What did the bad pirate say when he got a new telescope? “I’m ‘seeing’ opportunities!”
51. Why did the bad pirate start a dance crew? He had the ‘cutlass’ moves!
52. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his treasure chest key? “This be a ‘lock’ed mystery!”
53. Why did the bad pirate get into comedy? He had a way with ‘jolly’ puns!
54. What did the bad pirate say when he met a good pirate? “Arrr, matey, we be ‘bad’-mirable company!”
55. Why did the bad pirate become a gardener? He wanted to ‘grow’ some pirate-ship!
56. What did the bad pirate say when he found a treasure chest full of chocolates? “This be sweet ‘booty’!”
57. Why did the bad pirate bring a broom to the ocean? He wanted to ‘sweep’ the seven seas!
58. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite type of movie? A ‘swashbuckler’!
59. Why did the bad pirate join a gym? He needed to work on his ‘sea-soned’ body.
60. What did the bad pirate say when he got a sunburn on the ship? “I’m ‘burnin’ for treasure!”

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Funny Bad Pirate One-Liners

61. Why did the bad pirate start a rock band? He wanted to ‘plunder’ the music charts!
62. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite instrument? The ‘arrrrrrrr’-monica!
63. Why did the bad pirate bring a ladder to the desert island? He heard there were ‘high dunes’ to climb.
64. What did the bad pirate say when he couldn’t find his socks? “Arrr, matey, my socks have ‘walked the plank’!”
65. Why did the bad pirate open a bakery? He wanted to make ‘dough’ the pirate way!
66. What’s a bad pirate’s favorite dance move? The ‘peg-leg shuffle’!
67. Why did the bad pirate start a clothing line? He wanted to introduce ‘walk-the-plank couture’!
68. What did the bad pirate say when he found a treasure map to nowhere? “X marks the ‘nowhere’!”
69. Why did the bad pirate become a weather forecaster? He wanted to ‘sea’ what was on the horizon.
70. What did the bad pirate say when he heard a good joke? “That’s a ‘booty’-ful punchline!”
71. Why did the bad pirate start a gardening club? He wanted to ‘dig’ for buried treasure!
72. What did the bad pirate say when he saw a UFO? “I be needin’ a bigger ship for those ‘flying barrels’!”
73. Why did the bad pirate try stand-up comedy? He wanted to ‘hook’ the audience with laughter.
74. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his treasure map in a storm? “I guess the wind ‘blowed’ it away!”
75. Why did the bad pirate become a lifeguard? He wanted to ‘wave’ at treasure seekers!
76. What did the bad pirate say when he tried to dance the tango? “I’m better at the ‘peg-leg polka’!”
77. Why did the bad pirate open a pet shop? He loved all things ‘purr-ate’!
78. What did the bad pirate say when he found a bottle of sunscreen on a desert island? “This be a real ‘sunkissed’ find!”
79. Why did the bad pirate join a choir? He loved to ‘sing-sea’ shanties!
80. What did the bad pirate say when he lost a game of chess? “I guess I’m not a ‘check’-matey!”
81. Why did the bad pirate become a wildlife photographer? He wanted to capture ‘sea-nic’ shots.
82. What did the bad pirate say when he found a buried treasure chest? “This be a ‘chest-buried’!”
83. Why did the bad pirate start a food truck? He served ‘sea-food specials’!
84. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his eyepatch? “I can’t ‘see’ the treasure!”
85. Why did the bad pirate become a magician? He was good at ‘disappearrrring’ acts!
86. What did the bad pirate say when he found a message in a bottle? “This be a ‘bottled’ message!”
87. Why did the bad pirate join a comedy club? He loved ‘stand-up buccaneering’!
88. What did the bad pirate say when he found a treasure chest full of old jokes? “These be ‘old chestnuts’!”
89. Why did the bad pirate start a surfing school? He wanted to ‘ride the waves of treasure’!
90. What did the bad pirate say when he got a new hat? “I’ve got a ‘pirate’s cap’!”
91. Why did the bad pirate open a bookstore? He loved ‘sea-dventures’!
92. What did the bad pirate say when he lost his marbles? “I guess I’ve gone ‘cannonball’ crazy!”
93. Why did the bad pirate become a photographer? He was skilled at ‘capture-ing’ moments!
94. What did the bad pirate say when he saw a ghost ship? “Arrr, matey, that be a ‘ghastly’ vessel!”
95. Why did the bad pirate start a comedy cruise line? He loved ‘laughing on the high seas’!

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Conclusion

We hope these bad pirate jokes have brought a smile to your face and a hearty laugh to your heart. Remember, even the most notorious pirates can have a sense of humor, even if it’s not their greatest skill. 

So, next time you find yourself in need of a good chuckle, set sail on the sea of laughter with these quirky pirate jokes.

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