247+ Hilarious Comedian Jokes That'll Have You In Stitches

Introduction

Marriage – a union of love, laughter, and occasionally, a bit of chaos. Comedians have long found humor in the quirks and foibles of married life, and their jokes never fail to bring a smile or a hearty laugh.

In this article, we’ve compiled over 247+ comedian jokes that tackle the ups and downs of marriage. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the humorous side of wedded bliss.

Read More: Jokes About Wives

Comedian Jokes About Marriage

Why did the married man bring a ladder to his wedding? Because he heard it was all about taking it to the next level!
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? A husband who can’t find the laundry hamper and a wife who doesn’t want him to.
Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with their spouse if they’re dead!
Why do married men gain weight? Because they’re getting fed up.
What’s the difference between a married man and a bachelor? A bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
Why was the married man’s wallet empty? Because his wife said, “I do.”
What’s the best way to remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
Why do married people fight less in the morning? They haven’t seen each other yet.
What’s the definition of a perfect marriage? One where the wife forgives her husband everything – even his jokes.
Why don’t married couples go to the gym together? Because couples workouts are just called “arguments.”
Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? Because he heard the course of true love never did run smooth.
Why do married men love Sunday mornings? Because they get to read the paper uninterrupted – in bed.
What’s the key to a successful marriage? Keeping your sense of humor and your spouse’s secrets.
Why do married men snore louder than single men? Because they have to ask in their sleep, “Is that you or your mother?”
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the kitchen? Because she heard the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
Why do married men live longer than single men? Because they want to.
What’s the difference between an engagement ring and a wedding ring? The engagement ring gets you to the wedding; the wedding ring gets you through the marriage.
Why do husbands often get accused of not listening? Because they forget to press “record” before marriage.
Why do married couples argue at breakfast? Because they haven’t had time to remember how much they love each other.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the bank? Because he wanted to check his balance.
What’s the difference between a wedding and a funeral? At a funeral, you can smell the flowers without a headache.
Why do married women live longer than single women? Because they’re married to men who won’t ask for directions.
What’s the best way to resolve a marital dispute? Two words: Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Why don’t married couples go to the movies on weekends? Because they’ve already seen enough drama at home.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the shoe store? Because she heard it’s where she could find the perfect fit!
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the grocery store? Because he heard they had high expectations.
What’s the difference between a marriage and a tornado? Nothing, both end with the house and the car gone.
Why don’t married couples play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your spouse knows all your hiding spots.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the garage? She wanted to check the mileage on her high heels.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? A sense of humor and selective hearing.
Why do married men often get caught daydreaming? Because they’re busy thinking about their next meal.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the office? He wanted to climb the corporate ladder.
What’s the difference between a married man and a single man at a party? The married man’s thinking about getting home; the single man is thinking about getting lucky.
Why do married people make great detectives? They’ve had years of experience finding hidden things.
Why don’t married couples go on road trips? Because they’re afraid of taking too many wrong turns.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the library? She wanted to reach the high shelf of romance novels.
What’s the key to a happy marriage? Separate bathrooms.
Why do married men always ask for permission? Because they know they’re going to do it anyway.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the bank? He wanted to check his balance sheet.
What’s the difference between a husband and a houseplant? Houseplants are easier to take care of.
Why do married women make great astronauts? They can go from “I need space” to “Houston, we have a problem” in seconds.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the bakery? She heard the donuts were on the top shelf.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Wait until the last possible moment so they can’t change their mind.
Why don’t married couples go camping? Because if you’ve been married long enough, you’ve already been through “in tents” experiences.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the comedy club? To reach new heights of humor.
What’s the difference between a marriage and a circus? In a circus, the clowns don’t live with you.
Why do married men often forget their anniversary date? Because it’s the only date they can’t change.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the music store? She wanted to find the high notes.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Low expectations and a high tolerance for bad jokes.
Why don’t married couples compete in marathons? Because they’ve already run a lifelong race together.

Humorous Comedian Jokes About Marriage

Why did the husband bring a ladder to the coffee shop? Because he wanted to reach new heights of caffeine addiction.
What’s the difference between a wedding and a funeral? At a wedding, you can always leave early without anyone noticing.
Why don’t married couples go to the circus? Because they’re already living in a three-ring circus at home.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the shoe store? She heard the latest fashion was “sky-high” heels.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Agree on which TV shows to watch, and everything else will follow.
Why do married men never win arguments? Because they have selective hearing loss.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the gym? To show off his “stairway to fitness.”
What’s the difference between a marriage and a horror movie? In a horror movie, the music gets scarier as it progresses.
Why do married couples avoid DIY projects? Because every DIY project is just another opportunity for a DIY argument.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the pet store? She wanted to reach the top shelf to find the perfect “purr-fect” pet.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Never go to bed angry; stay up and argue all night.
Why do married men always leave the toilet seat up? Because they’ve had enough of being told what to do in their own home.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the art gallery? He heard there was a masterpiece on the ceiling.
What’s the difference between a husband and a dishwasher? A dishwasher doesn’t complain if you load it wrong.
Why do married women love shopping? It’s the only time they get to push a cart while a man follows.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the bakery? She was looking for a way to have her cake and eat it too.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Make sure the engagement ring is worth more than your future in-laws.
Why don’t married couples play chess? Because they’ve already mastered the art of strategic planning in their relationship.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the park? To be closer to nature without actually having to sit on the ground.
What’s the difference between marriage and a deck of cards? In a deck of cards, all you need is a good hand.
Why do married men pretend to be lost when they’re driving? Because it’s the only time they can ask for directions without being questioned.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the garden? She wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? A “yes, dear” and a well-timed chuckle.
Why don’t married couples go on roller coasters? They get enough ups and downs in daily life.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the movie theater? He wanted the best seat in the house – even if it was the ceiling.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the party? To show off his “high” social status.
What’s the difference between marriage and a deck of cards? In marriage, the Joker is your in-laws.
Why don’t married couples go scuba diving? They’re already submerged in their relationship.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the department store? She wanted to “climb” the sales.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Lowering your expectations – of everything.
Why do married men avoid doing laundry? Because they’re afraid of getting caught in a “spin” cycle of arguments.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the concert? He wanted a “higher” note of music.
What’s the difference between a husband and a microwave? A microwave doesn’t keep reminding you of past mistakes.
Why do married couples dread road trips? Because it’s the only time GPS can’t save them from getting lost.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the petting zoo? She wanted to pet the “top dog.”
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Choose a location with good cell reception for instant social media sharing.
Why don’t married couples go mountain climbing? They’re already dealing with their daily peaks and valleys.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the beach? To have the “highest” view of the ocean.
What’s the difference between marriage and a car engine? A car engine eventually stops making noise.
Why do married women call their husbands “honey”? Because “stale bread” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the amusement park? She wanted a “ride” with a view.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Embrace your spouse’s quirks like they’re your own.
Why don’t married couples go bungee jumping? Because they’ve had enough “ups and downs” for one lifetime.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the swimming pool? To make sure he had the “deepest” dive.
What’s the difference between a husband and a remote control? The remote control actually listens when you talk to it.
Why do married couples avoid playing Scrabble? Because there’s no way to spell “compromise” with just seven letters.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the orchard? She was determined to get the “top pick” of apples.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Make sure you’re proposing to the right person.
Why don’t married couples go skydiving? They’re already familiar with the feeling of free-fall in a marriage.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the movie theater? He wanted the best view, even if it was “over the top.”

Hilarious Comedian Jokes About Marriage

Why did the husband bring a ladder to the grocery store? To help him “pick up” some groceries from the top shelf.
What’s the difference between marriage and a roller coaster? On a roller coaster, you can scream and no one judges you.
Why don’t married couples go horseback riding? They get enough “giddy-up” and “whoa” at home.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the art museum? She wanted to get a “step up” on appreciating the fine art.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Remembering to say “I love you” and “I’m sorry.”
Why do married men avoid shopping with their wives? Because it’s like going on a “spending safari” in a dangerous jungle.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the playground? He wanted to reach new heights with the kids on the swings.
What’s the difference between a husband and a cat? Cats can purr without having an agenda.
Why don’t married couples go on long hikes together? Because the journey becomes too “uphill” and challenging.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the pet store? She thought the puppies on the top shelf were the “top dogs.”
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Maintaining a good sense of humor and not taking life too seriously.
Why do married men “accidentally” lose their hairbrushes? Because they secretly want their wives to find them.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the bakery? To “rise” to the occasion and pick out the best pastries.
What’s the difference between marriage and a Netflix series? In a Netflix series, you can skip the intro; in marriage, it’s a package deal.
Why do married women love gardening? It’s the only time they get to boss someone around – the plants.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the library? She wanted to reach the top shelves of romance novels.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Finding the right balance between “I’m right” and “I’m sorry.”
Why don’t married couples go on a hot air balloon ride? Because they already have enough ups and downs in their relationship.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the fishing trip? He thought it would help him “scale” his fishing success.
What’s the difference between a husband and a couch? The couch is comfortable to sleep on.
Why do married couples avoid karaoke? Because their singing is a marital risk they’re not willing to take.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the fashion store? She wanted to “climb” to the top of the fashion game.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Ensure it’s a memorable event – one that your spouse will never let you forget.
Why don’t married couples go skydiving? Because they’ve already mastered the art of free-fall in their relationship.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the concert? To have a “higher” appreciation of the music.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the park? He thought it was a “step” closer to a perfect picnic.
What’s the difference between marriage and a game of chess? In marriage, the queen has all the power, and the king is just trying to stay out of trouble.
Why don’t married couples go camping? Because they’ve already experienced enough “intense” situations at home.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the movie theater? She wanted the best seat to watch the drama unfold on the big screen.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Realizing that “happy wife, happy life” is not just a saying; it’s a survival strategy.
Why do married men hide their snacks? Because they’ve learned that in marriage, everything is “share-able.”
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the zoo? To take their animal love to new heights.
What’s the difference between a husband and a GPS? A GPS actually admits when it’s wrong.
Why don’t married couples go on a jungle safari? They’re already navigating the wild terrain of daily life.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the electronics store? She wanted to get a “step up” on the latest gadgets.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Remember that love is about give and take, but mostly giving.
Why do married men “misplace” the TV remote? Because they know that in marriage, you have to compromise.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the barbershop? He wanted a “higher” level of grooming.
What’s the difference between marriage and a buffet? In a buffet, you can go back for seconds without any judgment.
Why do married women enjoy shopping for shoes? It’s a therapeutic way to “step up” their wardrobe.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the sporting goods store? She wanted to reach new “heights” in her outdoor activities.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Laughter, because when you’re laughing, you’re not arguing.
Why don’t married couples go on extreme roller coasters? They’ve already experienced the roller coaster of married life.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the gym? To reach for those fitness goals that seem “out of reach.”
What’s the difference between a husband and a bar of soap? The soap gets smaller with time, but it still gets the job done.
Why do married couples avoid playing board games together? Because it’s hard to “win” when you’re competing against your spouse.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the tech store? She wanted to “climb” to the latest gadgets and gizmos.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Make sure it’s as unique as your relationship.
Why don’t married couples go bungee jumping? Because they’ve already taken the plunge into marriage.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the concert? To get a “higher” note on his musical experience.

Read More: Jokes About Engagement

Best Comedian Jokes About Marriage

Why did the husband bring a ladder to the beach? He wanted to build the “highest” sandcastle.
What’s the difference between marriage and a puzzle? In a puzzle, all the pieces fit together.
Why don’t married couples go on a desert adventure? They’ve already discovered the “oasis” of love at home.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the ice cream parlor? She was determined to reach the “toppings” shelf.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Forgiving your spouse’s mistakes – especially if they involve your favorite snacks.
Why do married men claim to be experts in map reading? Because it’s easier than admitting they’re lost.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the park? To watch the clouds and have a “higher” perspective on life.
What’s the difference between a husband and a weather forecast? The weather forecast is sometimes right.
Why don’t married couples go on a treasure hunt? Because they’ve already found their greatest treasure in each other.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the hardware store? She wanted to “climb” to the top of the DIY world.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Being the first to apologize, even if you’re not wrong.
Why do married men suddenly become experts in selecting the right wine? It’s their way of avoiding household chores.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the garden? He wanted to “ascend” to the highest level of relaxation.
What’s the difference between marriage and a buffet? In a buffet, you pay for what you eat, and in marriage, you eat what you pay for.
Why do married women find peace in yoga? It’s the only time they can “stretch” without complaining husbands.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the clothing store? She heard fashion was “reaching new heights.”
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? The ability to turn an argument into a laughter-filled discussion.
Why don’t married couples participate in extreme sports? They already experience enough excitement in their relationship.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the concert? To ensure he had the best view of the stage and the “highest” enjoyment.
What’s the difference between a husband and a light bulb? You can change a light bulb on your own.
Why do married couples avoid board games with friends? Because winning is less important than staying friends.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the jewelry store? She wanted to “climb” to the most precious gems.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Choose the right moment and hope your partner says “yes.”
Why don’t married couples go mountain climbing? They’ve already reached the peaks and valleys of life together.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the comedy show? To get the “top” seat and enjoy the laughter from a great height.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the bookshop? He heard the books on the top shelf had the “highest” knowledge.
What’s the difference between marriage and a zoo? In a zoo, you can enjoy the animals without being one.
Why don’t married couples go on a submarine tour? They’ve already explored the depths of each other’s souls.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the jewelry store? She wanted to “climb” to the top of the bling.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Learn to say “I love you” in various ways, like “Did you eat yet?” and “I’ll do the dishes.”
Why do married men suddenly become map enthusiasts? It’s their way of saving time by not asking for directions.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the circus? He wanted to “elevate” his appreciation for the acrobats.
What’s the difference between a husband and a phone? The phone can be put on silent mode.
Why don’t married couples go on a treasure hunt? They’ve already found the greatest treasure in each other.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the bakery? She was determined to reach the “upper crust.”
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Laugh together because you’ve cried enough separately.
Why do married men suddenly have an interest in fine wine? They’re attempting to enjoy the finer things while avoiding household chores.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the movie theater? To have the “highest” perspective on cinematic art.
What’s the difference between marriage and a road trip? On a road trip, you can pull over and change direction.
Why do married women find peace in painting? It’s the only time they can “brush” away life’s troubles.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the pet store? She wanted to “climb” to the cutest kittens.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? A sense of humor, because you’ll need it more than you think.
Why don’t married couples go bungee jumping? They’ve already taken the leap of faith into marriage.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the coffee shop? He wanted to reach new heights of caffeine addiction.
What’s the difference between a husband and a computer? A computer doesn’t get offended when you ask for a reboot.
Why do married couples avoid playing chess together? Because it’s tough to win when you’re competing with your spouse.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the fashion boutique? She heard the latest trends were “high” fashion.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Choose the right moment and hope they say “I do.”
Why don’t married couples go on a tightrope walk? They’ve already mastered the balancing act of marriage.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the comedy club? To get the “top” view and enjoy the laughter from a new perspective.

Funny Comedian Jokes About Marriage

Why did the husband bring a ladder to the library? He wanted to reach the “top shelf” of knowledge.
What’s the difference between marriage and a roller coaster? In a roller coaster, you can always scream and let it out.
Why don’t married couples go on a treasure hunt? They’ve already discovered the greatest treasure in each other.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the jewelry store? She heard the most precious gems were “up there.”
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Finding the humor in everyday life and embracing imperfections.
Why do married men become experts in map reading? It’s the only way to maintain a sense of control.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the playground? To have a “higher” perspective on parenting.
What’s the difference between a husband and a remote control? A remote control actually listens when you press its buttons.
Why don’t married couples go on a space expedition? They’ve already explored the mysteries of each other’s minds.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the electronics store? She wanted to “climb” to the latest gadgets.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Learning to communicate, even if it means apologizing first.
Why do married men suddenly become experts in selecting the right wine? It’s their way of enjoying life’s finer moments.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the park? To have a “higher” perspective on picnics and leisure.
What’s the difference between marriage and a buffet? In a buffet, you can decide when to leave.
Why do married women enjoy shopping for shoes? It’s a “step” toward boosting their fashion sense.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the clothing store? She wanted to “climb” to the highest fashion shelves.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Treating every day as an adventure with your partner.
Why don’t married couples go on a wilderness survival trip? They’ve already survived the wilderness of marriage.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the circus? To have a “higher” perspective on the performances.
What’s the difference between a husband and a computer? You can turn off a computer when you’ve had enough.
Why do married couples avoid playing board games with friends? Winning is less important than maintaining friendships.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the tech store? She wanted to “climb” to the latest tech trends.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Choose the right moment and hope they say “yes.”
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the comedy show? To have the “top” view and enjoy the laughter from a unique perspective.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the concert? He wanted the “highest” note of musical enjoyment.
What’s the difference between marriage and a crossword puzzle? In marriage, the words change, but the clues remain the same.
Why don’t married couples go on a deep-sea diving adventure? They’re already exploring the deep waters of marriage.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the bakery? She wanted to “rise” to the occasion with the freshest pastries.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Mastering the art of “yes, dear.”
Why do married men suddenly become experts in choosing restaurants? It’s their way of avoiding the “I don’t know, where do you want to eat?” debate.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the amusement park? To have the “highest” level of fun on the roller coasters.
What’s the difference between a husband and a remote control? The remote control doesn’t mind being held by multiple people.
Why don’t married couples go on a treasure hunt? They’ve already discovered the treasure of their love.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the library? She wanted to “climb” to the top of her reading list.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage? Patience – especially when your spouse can’t find their keys.
Why do married men always claim they “don’t need a map”? It’s their way of proving they’re naturally great navigators.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the zoo? To get a “higher” perspective on the animals.
What’s the difference between marriage and a buffet? In a buffet, you can have your dessert first.
Why do married women love shopping for shoes? It’s the one area of life where “one size fits all.”
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the movie theater? To enjoy the “highest” view of the big screen.
What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Knowing that love means never having to say, “Where are my socks?”
Why don’t married couples go on a roller coaster together? They already experience enough ups and downs in life.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the library? He wanted to “climb” to the top of the bestsellers.
What’s the difference between a husband and a GPS? The GPS will admit when it’s wrong.
Why do married couples avoid playing cards together? Because you can’t win at cards without a good poker face.
Why did the wife bring a ladder to the art gallery? She wanted to “ascend” to the heights of artistic appreciation.
What’s the secret to a successful marriage proposal? Make sure you’re in it for the long run.
Why don’t married couples go on hot air balloon rides? They’re already floating on the hot air of everyday life.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to the comedy club? To get the “top” view of the jokes and enjoy them from new heights.
Why don’t comedians ever make marriage jokes? Because they don’t want to get into a long-term relationship with their audience!

Read More:

Jokes About Wife Husband

Jokes About Divorce

Conclusion

Marriage can be challenging, but it’s also a never-ending source of comedy. These comedian jokes capture the essence of wedded life – the joys, the annoyances, and the enduring love that keeps couples together.

Remember, laughter is the best way to navigate the unpredictable journey of marriage!

FAQs

Can I share these jokes with my spouse for a good laugh?

Absolutely! Laughter is a great way to bond and navigate the ups and downs of married life.

Are these jokes suitable for a wedding toast?

Some of them could be, but be sure to consider your audience and the couple’s sense of humor.

Can I use these jokes in a stand-up comedy routine?

Feel free to incorporate them into your routine, with credit to the source of course. Comedy is all about sharing laughter!

247+ Hilarious Comedian Jokes That’ll Have You in Stitches