Introduction
Don Rickles, the king of insult comedy, left an indelible mark on the world of humor. His razor-sharp wit and ability to turn any situation into a laugh-fest made him a comedy legend.
In this collection, we delve into the world of Don Rickles jokes, where nothing and no one was safe from his playful jabs and roasts.
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Don Rickles’ Classic Insults
1. Don Rickles was so bald, even his wig wore a toupee.
2. Don was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back, but only if you promised not to wear it in public.
3. Don Rickles once said he’d give his right arm to be ambidextrous.
4. If Don were any more laid back, he’d be in a recliner convention.
5. Don Rickles never met a dessert he didn’t like, but he was on a first-name basis with every salad he ever had.
6. Don’s doctor told him to watch his drinking, so he now drinks in front of a mirror.
7. Don was the only guy who could insult you so brilliantly that you’d leave with a smile on your face.
8. You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake, but Don Rickles was so old, he lit his candles with a campfire.
9. Don Rickles had a fantastic sense of humor; unfortunately, it was the one thing he couldn’t find his glasses for.
10. Don was so charming; he could make a nun blush and a sourpuss smile.
11. Don’s face was so full of character; it could have starred in a movie of its own.
12. Don Rickles used to say that he’d rather be a “has-been” than a “never-was,” and he certainly left a lasting legacy of laughter.
13. Don Rickles always said he had two kinds of friends: those he offended and those who hadn’t met him yet.
14. Don was so good at self-deprecation that he once bet against himself in a poker game and still lost.
15. Don Rickles was like a fine wine; he got better with age, but you wouldn’t want to spill him on your shirt.
16. If Don were any sweeter, he’d come with a “Sugar Warning” label.
17. Don Rickles used to say that his bank account was like his hairline—receding.
18. Don was the original social distancing champion; he could clear a room with a single joke.
19. Don Rickles once claimed he had a photographic memory, but he forgot to load the film.
20. Don had a great poker face; unfortunately, it was his everyday expression.
21. Don Rickles was the kind of guy who, when he watched a horror movie, yelled insults at the monsters.
22. If Don were any more relaxed, he’d be mistaken for a bean bag chair.
23. Don Rickles was known for his quick wit; he once married a woman with a stopwatch.
24. Don had the uncanny ability to turn any conversation into a roast, whether you liked it or not.
25. Don Rickles was a real romantic; he once proposed with a pizza instead of a ring.
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Don Rickles’ Puns
26. Don had so many honorary degrees that he could open his own university of insults.
27. Don Rickles once said that he had two speeds: “offensive” and “on vacation.”
28. Don was so old, his birth certificate was written in hieroglyphics.
29. Don Rickles always said that laughter was the best medicine, but he never trusted a doctor who prescribed it.
30. Don used to say that he didn’t have a beer belly; it was a full-keg personality.
31. Don Rickles was the reason aliens never landed on Earth; they were afraid of getting roasted.
32. Don used to say that he had so many kids because he was trying to outnumber his punchlines.
33. Don Rickles was such a good comedian that even his car horn sounded like a punchline.
34. Don had a black belt in sarcasm and a green belt in gardening.
35. Don Rickles was like a human jukebox; you put in a quarter, and he played an insult.
36. Don had the charm of a gentleman and the tact of a jackhammer.
37. Don Rickles used to say he was allergic to meetings because they lacked a mute button.
38. Don was a true foodie; he once made a reservation for a hot dog stand.
39. Don Rickles always claimed that he was a “people person,” but he preferred people in small doses.
40. Don used to say that if he had a dollar for every bad joke he told, he’d be a billionaire.
41. Don Rickles was the only guy who could insult a lion in the jungle and make it roar with laughter.
42. Don was so smooth, he could charm the stripes off a zebra.
43. Don Rickles used to say that he wasn’t a morning person; he was barely an afternoon person.
44. Don was a master at delivering punchlines; he even had a boxing glove-shaped phone.
45. Don Rickles once joked that he was so out of shape; he couldn’t even fit into a bad decision.
46. Don used to say that he was a people magnet, but only those with a sense of humor.
47. Don Rickles was like a human paradox; he could insult you and make you feel special simultaneously.
48. Don was the kind of guy who could find humor in a funeral and make the dearly departed chuckle.
49. Don Rickles was the original “dad joke” connoisseur; he had a collection dating back to the caveman era.
50. Don used to say that he got his wit from his mother and his charm from his grandmother.
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Don Rickles’ Chuckles
51. Don Rickles was the type of guy who, when he walked into a room, made sure it had good lighting for roasting.
52. Don always said that he never met a dessert he didn’t like, but salads gave him trust issues.
53. Don Rickles was such a good stand-up comedian that even his shower had a two-drink minimum.
54. Don once claimed he was a trendsetter, but most of his trends involved mismatched socks.
55. Don Rickles was so old; he could remember when the Dead Sea was just feeling a little under the weather.
56. Don had so many wrinkles, he once lost a game of tic-tac-toe in his sleep.
57. Don Rickles was the only person who could get kicked out of a silent meditation retreat for talking.
58. Don was so thin that his driver’s license picture was a barcode.
59. Don Rickles was the life of the party; if you wanted the party to involve non-stop zingers.
60. Don used to say that he was so lazy, he could watch paint dry for hours.
61. Don Rickles once claimed that his autobiography would be one page long: “It was a good run.”
62. Don was the master of disguise; he could turn into a grumpy old man on demand.
63. Don Rickles was so smooth; even the ice in his drinks asked for his autograph.
64. Don used to say that he had the secret to a happy marriage: a good sense of humor, and separate bathrooms.
65. Don Rickles was such a unique comedian; he could insult an onion and make it cry… from laughter.
66. Don had a pet parrot, and it had to attend therapy to deal with its self-esteem issues after living with him.
67. Don Rickles had a memory like an elephant, but only for the things he shouldn’t have said.
68. Don once told me he was so funny, they used his jokes as the secret ingredient in “funny” bone soup.
69. Don Rickles had a great work ethic; he’d never take a day off from cracking jokes, even on April Fools’ Day.
70. Don used to say that he was the “laughing stock” of the stock market.
71. Don Rickles was the kind of guy who’d give you a gift and then insult the wrapping paper.
72. Don was the only comedian who could make you laugh so hard that you’d forget you were being insulted.
73. Don Rickles was such a classic; even his insults had a timeless quality.
74. Don had a heart of gold, but he’d insult you until you thought it was pure platinum.
75. Don Rickles was a legend in the world of comedy, and his humor will live on, just like the laughter he brought to us all.
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Conclusion
Don Rickles’ jokes continue to be a source of laughter and inspiration for comedians and fans worldwide. His unique style of humor, combining roasts with a heart of gold, ensures that he remains a beloved figure in the comedy world.
Don’s legacy lives on through his timeless jokes and unforgettable one-liners.
FAQs
What made Don Rickles’ comedy style so unique?
Don Rickles was known for his sharp, quick-witted insult comedy, which involved playful jabs at everyone, including himself. He had a remarkable ability to make people laugh while poking fun at their quirks and idiosyncrasies.
Can you share some famous Don Rickles jokes?
Certainly! Some of his classics include, “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake” and “If you’re in the mood for a good roast, look in the mirror.”
How did Don Rickles influence the comedy world?
Don Rickles was a trailblazer in comedy, paving the way for modern insult comics. He showed that humor could be edgy and irreverent while maintaining a sense of affection and lightheartedness.